Blest to be a blessing

My friend, Dr Liz Boase, recently led a brief workshop on the themes in the Hebrew Scriptures that help us to think about Mission and Evangelism. As she was speaking, I couldn't help thinking about my own questions about what blessing is for me and how that sometimes differs from what others think should be a blessing for me.

My early experience of evangelism was that someone was just being generous and loving. However, it was not long before others started interfering with what God was doing. "Blessing" can so easily turn into judging or colonizing or fitting someone into a box that really doesn't fit.

Here are some of my notes from what Liz said about Blessing in the Hebrew Scriptures...

Blessing is complicated.
The core meaning has to do with fullness of life - sometimes linked with the blessing of children, community and prosperity, but only in terms of what they represent - being able to live life to capacity. It is about flourishing.
Sufficiency is related to fullness of life - the experience of providence allows the freedom to live in a particular way.
When people do and are how they are meant to be there is a sense of blessing unfolding. (LB, Aug 2017)

This sat well with the thinking of God's SHALOM and desire for all Creation to live into a foretaste of Heaven. This is what Ministers and Churches and Disciples seek to promote when they follow Jesus, but it can be so easy to get distracted! How often do we let go of the priority of Blessing in favour of the easier choice to judge and tell others to fit more neatly into my life and my world-view?

Liz pointed us to two helpful texts:
Christopher Wright - The Mission of God's People
James Okoye - Israel and the Nations

The Call of Abram is full of emphasis on BLESSING...
Genesis 12:1-3New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

And the encounter of Moses at Mount Sinai emphasized Covenant and knowing our story of liberation and blessing.

Exodus 19:1-8New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

God blesses US and wants us to be a blessing to others!

Weavers - Carers for Carers

My Husband was diagnosed with Stage 1 lung cancer in mid-2013. In 2015 he was diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. It has been one helluva ride and, while I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone, we have grown closer and have deepened in our relationship. Being a Lover and Wife is challenging when you are also a Provider and Carer. This is why I sought help.

We moved from Newcastle to Adelaide in January 2015. We had never lived in South Australia before, so most of our 'friends' were work-related. When Terry was diagnosed again, I knew I needed some contacts who were not work-related. I looked at possibilities for Support Groups, but most of those were for the person with Cancer, less was around for the Carers.

I found Weavers online. This is my story.

I went through a process to find the right person.

Having a Weaver as a Carer enabled me to be cared for myself. It didn't place huge obligations on me, but gave me the opportunity to be supported.

Different Carers need different things from the people who care for them. Other people need information or someone to reflect with. Sometimes I just needed to be reassured that what I thought I knew was reasonably sound. With the stress of caring, you start to question yourself, because you know you can't control the situation. Being able to reflect with someone (who had good active listening training) meant being able to check in with someone who was not being emotive.

When I talk to many of my friends, they are also having to come to terms with their love and grief or confusion about our situation. When I talk with work colleagues, they obviously think about how this may impact on our shared work. With a Weaver, there are no other vested interests other than just supporting me. It helped. It helped to keep me sane, on-track and strong.

On Women and Men and Ministry in the Uniting Church - One Women’s Response

One Women’s Response
– A response to Nancy Beach’s presentation at the UL2017 National Ministers’ conference.

The Uniting Church is Australia’s Ordination questions highlight the importance of an egalitarian approach to men and women in ministry. However, we have mistakenly assumed that this would mean a commitment to public advocacy and leadership in combatting the dehumanising rhetoric of complementarianism in the life of the Church. It was deeply disturbing to many at the recent UL2017 National Ministers’ Conference to be presented with the continuum of “Complementarianism to Egalitarianism” as reflective of the current spectrum of belief and behaviour in the Uniting Church in Australia. How far we have fallen!

This is not a criticism of the excellent presenter, Nancy Beach, who was refreshing in her well-grounded and insightful comments. It is just that 25 years ago I did not think we would need to revisit such arguments within the UCA. I thought we learnt these approaches simply to offer support, advocacy and solidarity to our ecumenically oppressed sisters-in-ministry. Alas, Nancy’s presentation was needed in a Church that is seeing women walk away from working in hostile environments.

After the well-constructed and engaging session on women and men in ministry, I asked a few people what they thought about the current climate in the UCA. Several spoke of their concern that we were sliding backward, reiterating some comments Nancy had made in her presentation. Another expressed surprise at hearing this spoken about at a National Conference, asking: ‘It seems like she hasn’t been well-briefed about our position’.

On reflection, even if Nancy was aware of ‘our doctrinal position’ of women and men being equal in ministry, she was very effectively addressing the reality that there is doctrine and then there is belief – and they do not always match up. She highlighted this with a particularly helpful example:

[paraphrased from Nancy Beach 24 Aug 2017]

When women contribute in a meeting, they tend to hold back until they are 90% sure about what they are saying, whereas men will contribute their thinking when they have a 40-50% formed idea. 

My response to that is:

YES!

And – when a woman presents a 90% formed idea to a bunch of 40-50% thinkers, they often treat it as if it is a 30% formed idea that will need their validation. This is why I believe women need to be particularly attentive to other women’s voices in meetings. They need to listen carefully to one another and reflect back what they are hearing, repeating those things that resonate, and removing the enculturated habits of men from assuming that it is a role (attached to their gender) to validate considered thinking, (sometimes with questions that show they have not bothered reading the paperwork or asking in advance). Of course, this becomes impossible when you are the only female in the meeting OR when women are trying to behave like men in order to get on (more on this later).

Aside for Executives: I have always prioritized business relationships where a 
member of a Board has sought answers to their questions when they read the 
report, in advance of the meeting. Such courtesy is to be treasured and invites a reflective relationship. When such a relationship is established, I am much more likely to seek out that Board member for further refining of emerging work. They have demonstrated how to improve work 
rather than destroy it.

I was, however, bothered by the advice that women should speak up earlier when they have less formed ideas. An alternative would be to tell some people to shut up until they have engaged their brains better. An in-between compromise, which has been around for a long time, is to invite people to toss in partly formed ideas for the group to play with respectfully.

Respectful engagement is about relational behaviour. Women are not the minority in the Uniting Church, but we can sometimes be treated as minority voices, and we often act as a passive majority. The rise of UnitingWomen and Women-in-Theology and new forms of expression are signs of the desire for a more active engagement. Such gatherings of women include welcome experiences of freedom and empowerment. They also highlight that this is no longer the expectation in our mixed gatherings.

It is difficult to discuss women and men without falling into unhelpful cultural stereotyping. When thinking about Gender, we need to critique our own world views and cultural assumptions. One way of doing this is to consider perspectives from other cultures, examining alternate values and then reconsidering our own situation, enlightened by other ways of looking at things. (Essentially, this is part of what we are doing when we do Bible study.)

Within the Uniting Church in Australia, many of our comments and assumptions about women are also Western ones. Some of the strongest women of influence and authority are from non-Western cultures. I have been privileged to learn from indigenous sisters from both patriarchal and matriarchal social systems. I have witnessed the shift in style when four female Moderators (2 Western and 2 non-Western) get together. I have experienced Executive Leadership gatherings, in Australia and overseas, with some gender balance and, more often, with minority women. These are stories our Church could learn from.

If it is appropriate to ask a Keynote Speaker to come and talk about Women and Men in Ministry at a Uniting Church National Ministers’ Conference in 2017, perhaps it will be timely in 2018 to commission a new expression of Gospel and Gender to further explore our common good?

Marriage Couples - "Developing a Theology of Marriage" Questions...

Fascinated by the comment on FB posts about passages of Scripture and what they might mean in the current conversations about marriage...
I wonder if we might be getting a bit obsessed by a few passages... i.e. Led down a path of limited reading and limited reasoning...

It seems to me, people are using the Bible to argue about sexuality and are taking 'marriage' as a given, rather than doing the harder work of developing a genuine theology of marriage and relationship. (Much of the 'Christian marriage' definition seems to be based on cultural Christianity from dominant culture settings or secular society and rebranding it, rather than on really looking at the myriad types of marriage practiced by Christians globally.)

I would argue, therefore, that it may be helpful for people who get married (whatever their situations) might be encouraged to develop a theology of marriage together. AND it may be helpful for those of us who care about scripture to get in and encourage people to read the scriptures more deeply and comprehensively... or - at least - more often.

E.g. Some questions for couples:
What parts of scripture will inform how you will live, work, play together?
What parts of scripture will guide your responses to God's calling on you?
What is God's call to you as a discipleship couple?
What models will you take for family life and household?

Developing a biblical theology of marriage - not for you, but for me

Today I read a very helpful article by Robyn Whitaker. It outlines some of the biblical passages that some people think are important when considering same-gender marriage.

What I have found most unhelpful in the debate so far is that the comments seem to be about critiquing same-gender relationships. Not all same gender relationships involve physical intimacy or sex. Not all marriages involve physical initimacy or sex either. I suspect some of the conversation is impacted by our incapacity to talk about sex. I am no different. So, I am not going to start by talking about sex. Instead, I want to talk about marriage.

Every marriage needs a conversation about how we enter into it and understand it. Because marriage involves more than one, it requires communication and negotiation about values, purposes, commitments, goals and outcomes. For people of faith, there needs to be a further conversation about whether what is being entered into has a faith basis. For people of deistic faith, there is a further question about developing a theology of marriage.

My husband and I are both in the latter category. We both believe in God and have a shared faith that commits us both to a journey of shared discipleship. We follow Jesus. We try to reflect Jesus' teachings in our lives. We try to live into the calling of being a blessing for others.

Here are some of the passages I think of as informing my theological reflections about marriage:

• Abused concubine as blessed mother (Hagar) Genesis 16 and 21    

I saw a wonderful painting by the artist, Frank Wesley, of Hagar and Ishmael. Rejected and cast-out, Hagar was punished for doing what was required of her. Abraham fell down on his responsibilities to her and their son. Sarah did not provide protection for her. Hagar's story points to the failures of Abraham and Sarah. Ordered to Go forth and multiply, they set up a permanent settlement. Both of their relationships with Hagar diminish their marriage. They (as a couple) are not a blessing to her or to Ishmael. God has mercy on Hagar and Inmael anyway. They had the opportunity to offer mercy and chose to withhold grace. This led to generations of global schism.

• Finding a wife for Isaac (Rebekah) Genesis 24

Families tend to seek marriages 'amongst their own kind'. Familial blessing or criticism of marriage is often connected with racism, classism, ethno-centrism... It challenges people's comfort zones to contemplate marrying outside of narrow expectations. There is default resistance to even talking about alternative expectations. The film, Guess who's coming to dinner, tells the story of families coming to terms with moving beyond intellectual assent to difference, to actually welcoming a marriage that moves beyond the expected.

How much of our theologising also defaults to fear of discussing 'the other'? How much may that impact on discussions about who we may or may not marry?

I was struck by this story of an arranged marriage. The values expressed prioritized family, ethnicity, culture, language and upbringing, OVER love. Rebekkah's response was connected to adventure, possibility, promise, faith and vision, OVER love.

Learning: Biblical marriage does not automatically place great value on heart-felt love as the foundation of the marriage relationship. However, there is value placed on preparation, commitment and vision.

• Jacob's wives and Concubines (Rachel, Leah, Zilpah, Bilhah) Genesis 29. 

When I first read this passage I remember the relief that Jacob had a family like mine! My grandfather had four wives and several concubines. He was faithful to all of them. There were many children and many grandchildren. There was no expectation of the two parents, two kids and labrador household. For many of us, such a household is impossible! AND - it isn't even biblical!!!

Learning: Biblical marriage includes models we do not have here. Biblical models may be abusive and illegal. They may also be acceptable for good reasons in other places. E.g.1 Ensuring there is a large enough family to ensure a workforce for surviving in a place.

• Familial destruction of marriage - withholding blessing (Dinah and Shechem) Genesis 34 and 46:15

I visited a Sunday School once when I was doing a sleepover at a friend's place. It meant that I didn't need to go to Chinese school that week. The Sunday School were "doing Joseph" - so we learnt about the colored cloak and lots of brothers.

Many years later I read about their sister. The one whose marriage they destroyed. Some translations claim she was raped. Others claim she was taken and then Shechem begged to marry her. This would have ensured her survival and future. It may also have been a loveless and abusive marriage.

Whatever the reasonings, Dinah's brothers conspire to deceive and murder, not just Shechem, but his entire tribe. It is the first biblical genocide - of people who had just committed to and covenanting with God (through circumcision). It was the missionaries murdering the new converts. The murderers justified themselves saying they were standing up for their sister, but, in fact, they sacrificed her future for their property and financial gain.

I have seen families reject brides or grooms. There are often concerns about property or financial security or possible abuse. Sometimes the families are acting in the protecting role with their loved ones. Sometimes they have self-interests that cloud other issues.

Learning: When it comes to marriage, people will make up their own reasons for supporting or rejecting marriage. It doesn't need to be logical and can be violent and emotive. Often the behaviors demonstrate how important marital assets are to a whole range of people other than the couple concerned.

• Marital abuse victims and survivors (Esther and Vashti) Esther

Both Vashti and Esther were abused in their marriages. They lived with fear and daily possibilities of rejection and violence. They lived in political marriages, where "love" was misused as a substitute term for lust.

Learning: Even in abusive or political marriages there are questions about what can be accomplished in faith. Sometimes marriage is one-sided. This is not an endorsement, but it is a reality. There are both those who benefit from and blossom in marriages AND there are those who find marriage to be oppressive, dangerous and debilitating.

• Familial rejection (no room for Mary and Joseph) Luke 2

Joseph was from the family of David from Bethlehem, so it was part of the Torah (Law) that his kin should have provided for Joseph and Mary and the new baby. They obviously didn't... because the baby was to be born "out-of-wedlock" (beyond the blessing of family)? Where is God's love in such judgmentalism?

Learning: Real families behave badly when they think they are being right or correct. Hospitality may be offered, conveying grace, or it may be withheld, conveying judgement.

• Many rooms (Divine Household) Matthew 14:2

It is just as well there are many rooms 'in my father's house' - as some of us might not like to share! The implication is that many different types of people may find their home in God. This leads us to believe that God can be inclusive, even when communities want to be exclusive.

Learning: God is generally more generous-spirited than most people!

• Marriage and in-laws (Peter's mother-in-law) Matthew 8:14

Marriage is not just about spouses. It is also about in-laws and others - be they children or friendship or relational connections. There is Jesus generously healing his disciple's mother-in-law, but the story tells us more than that. It tells us about Simon-Peter's relationship with his mother-in-law, such that she serves her son-in-law's friend AND the friend does a healing.

Learning: Biblical marriage has implied relationships attached. Marriage brings different connections that lead to more connections.

• Marriage Commitments and Future Responsibilities Matthew 22:23-33

If all marriage is off the table when it comes to heaven, we ought to ask more about what it means to be like angels? Most of us consider gender to be a key aspect of our experience of identity. Gender is not just related to sex, but is connected to how we relate, how we speak, how we dance, how we dress. Few of us can imagine being like angels. It is also something that hasn't really made it through to core beliefs for the faithful. After all, many spouses plan to be buried together. Yet, this doesn't make sense if there is no longer marriage in Heaven.

• Relational foundation of AGAPE Love and honoring/respect Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19 and 22:39 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

'Love one another' in the biblical sense is not 'know one another'. Yet there is much confusion about what biblical love (or knowledge) mean. When we think of knowing and loving someone, we think of loving them despite knowing the truth of them. Physical intimacy, however, is only a small part of truly knowing someone.

The unconditional love that is described in parts of the New Testament, does not ask for something in return.

• Marriage and provision and security (Ruth) Ruth 3

Ruth and Naomi's story highlights that whatever the 'love aspects', marriage is largely about the security and future of women, including migrants and refugees. Expect a long study to come out on this one!

• Bride and Bridegroom

The passages read at Terry's and my wedding were from Isaiah 62 and Revelation. They were featuring bride and bridegroom imagery about the relationship between God and the Church. They stand in stark contrast to the criticisms leveled at the 'faithless' who are often called prostitues for turning their attentions to other attractions, getting distracted from the true relationship that is for life and nurture.

Biblical reflection: Some marriages are about blessing, life-affirming, nurturing one another and impacting other relationships around them positively. Other marriages are more like the fickle relationships that are for use and profit, services rendered and temporary gains. Marriage should be measured and corrected with these two extremes in mind.

AND
 
There are countless more texts to list and explore. I have started with these ones because they shape me. Others will identify other texts. Between us all, we could help each other in gathering resources for exploring a biblical theology of marriage.

If people are going to discuss Christian understandings of marriage, I suggest they start to share what shapes their own experiences and understandings. What biblical stories shape your thinking?

The Safe Zone

People who thought they were 'safe' have been discovering they are not. 

They have lost their sense of security.

Fear creeps into their lives and influences their behaviours, subtlely at first.

All week I have been wrestling with world events. It has been one of the most bizarre weeks to simply be audience rather than actor. Yet, we cannot be audience, and it is unclear where and when to join the fray.

This week:

• The Australian Prime Minister talked about the possibility of (potentially nuclear) war with North Korea
• White Supremicist / Nazism surfaced as violence in Charlottesville in the USA
• Domestic terrorists struck in Barcelona
• Australia started into a campaign about Marriage Equality because we will have a non-binding postal survey, given that a proposed plebiscite has not had parliamentary support due to its expense and threat to peaceful governance in our community. (Note: the postal survey is to cost $122 million dollars, with $6 million being spent before it is determined if it is legal.)
• An Australian Senator wore a Burqa as a stunt in Parliament.

Today, a friend of a relative posted about the stunt that took place in the Australian Senate this week, where a Senator tried to Ban the Burqa. I posted this response:

Sorry [N] - as a Christian Minister I have to say that Senator Hanson was inciting hatred and violence in our society. None of the other senators were able to bring themselves to support the manner of her action. All condemned it.  

Whatever you think of the burqa, in Australia we have freedom of religion and freedom in how we dress. While I am not one for such dress, I do stand with women who choose religious attire, and I do wear clerical robes, especially when I conduct weddings, etc...
Nuns of both Catholic and Orthodox backgrounds have choices about similar garb. 

Some of the old RC ones still wear full-length habit and some of the orthodox ones wear veils. We still have that freedom. So - are you suggesting that we should all lose our freedoms or just the people you don't know personally?

It has been a helluva week!

In the midst of all this, the thing that threw me was when our unit had a blackout. Is nothing sacred? Is even my home unsafe? As I lit candles, I remembered, candles remind me of the small light that dispels all the darkness - of the small voice that comforts - of the quiet prayer that is heard by God.

Our Safe Zone is not hidden behind walls and barbed wire, but is to be found in the heart of the one who chose vulnerability and invites us to do the same. Our Safe Zone is found when we quietly wear a Safety Pin to say to others, if you need a friend I will be there. Our Safe Zone is not in dominating society and normalizing behaviours like our own, but in spreading the good news that Humanity is part of God's creation AND, for all its flaws, God continues to work for our sake.

To the many people I know (and to those I do not yet know), if you are fearful or feeling unsafe, please seek out someone, someone like me... someone who wants to help you find Safety.

Hyphenated identity - are we who we wanna be?

As someday it may happen that a pollie must be found,
We've got a little list - elections to be missed -
For citizens of other states are on disputed ground,
We've got a little list - of countries to resist...
And should a pollie find that their identity is sus,
We'll take 'em out of parliament on airport shuttle bus,
For every Aussie knows that we have registered to vote
Unless of course we came more recently upon a boat...
So gather your compatriots and check their true birthplace
To see if they are outed til the next election race.
We've got a little list - of those with whom we're pissed
So it's pointless to insist that they ever would by missed!