tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7966005784085921654.post2447926364790806312..comments2023-12-02T13:55:18.251+11:00Comments on Hyphenated Faith: Me Too - a responseAmelia Koh-Butlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00445583740261659628noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7966005784085921654.post-90011119668331179012017-11-24T14:38:28.441+11:002017-11-24T14:38:28.441+11:00Terry, this is a powerful anecdote, for which I th...Terry, this is a powerful anecdote, for which I thank you. Yet it's also tantalising because of the things that aren't addressed.<br /><br />You were clearly brought up with a healthy respect for women (which elicited your remorse), but as a survivor of multiple kinds of abuse I can't help wondering what other questions your dad asked, and what his reactions were to your responses as described.<br /><br />You see, the stated questions and your answers don't actually distinguish an abusive dynamic from a stop-hysteria slap or a defensive slap. Is she still talking to you? A trauma-bonded partner probably would be. Do you still care about her? Most abusers would say yes. Would you do it again? Most abusers would say no.<br /><br />I'm not meaning to suggest that you were abusive - please don't think that. In fact, the circumstances as described suggest a mutuality of action that IMO doesn't define your slap as violent at all. <br /><br />The reality is that violence is a far more complex dynamic than can be covered by "Don't hit a woman", and that such a rule can lead both abusers and victims not to recognise other forms of violence and/or not to feel permitted (or know how) to resist them. And the power dynamic in society is so heavily weighted toward men that their perception of what constitutes violence is skewed. For example, I've seen men saying "But women make lewd comments about men, too," (which many do), and ignore the fact that you can't use a reciprocal argument when it's not a level playing field to begin with.<br /><br />Simply saying "Call it out when you see it" doesn't work when men don't see the power imbalance that defines such acts as aggressive.Clarehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08278486196844455662noreply@blogger.com