Évocation #3 leave me alone

Leave me alone

I reach for a memory
of matching steps, dancing shoes and guiding hands.
You led well.
The officer’s stance and football’s pride
blended in your waltz.
Christmas in Vienna suited you,
Despite your critique of temperature.
Your hand was purposeful,
the romance of your soft voice
drawing me forth.
You always made me look good,
on dance floor and on life’s stage.
Leave me alone.

Crowds of beautiful people,
passing through our doors...
Their quality is evident,
not in clothes or external things...
Their hearts exude a depth
of life and love and deep compassion.
I felt it and feel it still,
yet my heart cannot hold it.
You see, it’s leaking and I’m making a mess
and there are simply not enough handkerchiefs.
I want to do what came so naturally for us,
but it doesn’t work when your not here, so
Leave me alone.

O sky and sun, your daily invitation
to wake at dawn and snuggle close
until the inevitable desire for release...
the cuppa, cuddle, news and prayers,
the rituals of sharing - reclaiming bedclothes,
stolen between snores, kicked off
in confusions of thermostatic legs.
I accuse you Soleil! You cheating false host.
Your invitation is as nothing.
Colour yourself red with smoke and see if I care?
False prophet, promising much and stealing from children.
Do you offer any real promise to a day of burning and destruction?
Leave me alone.

The dross of day intrudes on selfish moments.
A call, a bill, an email.
It seems as if your credit card was cancelled,
so now your phone rings constantly,
beggars seeking the honouring of contracts.

I gently explain they were entered into by a dead man.
”It is not our policy, procedure, protocol... you will need to...”
Not really.
“Do you want to cancel the contract?”
It is already null - he’s dead - I’m just doing you the courtesy
 of preventing you from chasing ghosts.
(A part of my consciousness observed the voice might listen more carefully
if I start explaining in rhyming couplets.)
Leave me alone

Leave...
”We made a call... and it seems things changed recently...
You only get a week...”
(Whatever happened to Manse-makers?
Wisdom and Compassion walked once in twin sets.)
Oh. Ok. I’ll marry some trees and baptize some cars today.
The car wash bay at our units is closed for the sake of water restrictions.
Auto-baptism could be Missio-innovative?
Marrying trees could lead to groves.
I have work to do to save the planet...
Machines and flora seems safe today,
people might be at risk.
Leave me alone.

I go to work.
Perhaps it is better set up than home.
At least it has a plentiful supply of tissues.


(C) 2019, A.Koh-Butler