Evocation: A blue Christmas #1

Cutting two pieces of Christmas cake
- it seems wrong to cut just one, a bit like cheating,
but then having to eat both and choking on the crumbs,
or was it the sob that caught my throat?

Deciding to hang a decoration on a door
To signify the seasons of Diwali and Hanukkah
might now give way to Christmas.
Adding black ribbon for the neighbours.

Of course, the local lights do not discriminate.
They flicker for all with windows reflecting smoke and mirroring vermillion sunsets.
The fog might be smoke or it might be grief, for who can tell?
Can you find your way? Are we lost...
Heaven and hell, both near and far.

Death has kissed us tenderly, mercifully,
while life continues relentlessly.

Play a game with grandchildren,
Caress a photo,
offer your handkerchief to a colleague
because you resent the industry of tissues and disposable boxes.
Watch the flowers disintegrate and count the passage of time,
Somehow less urgent... the measurement has changed.

Learn how to work the remote control.
Consolidate two sets of coffee cards.
Ditch any dresses with a zipper in the back.
Write to-do lists and talk to yourself.

Wear his shirt, not sure why.
Observe your own clumsiness and confusion.
Try to capture it, as if by offering some analysis,
there might be some charitable exit,
Discovering instead the sentence of health and purpose.
Concentration required to coax the remaining flowers into order,
Distracted by the noisy silent screams.

Listening to your own voice sounding unreasonably impatient or ridiculously calm.
Adjusting quantities and timings for cooking. Remembering, too late, the pot boiled dry.
Realizing he really did steal the bedclothes.




(C) 2019, A.Koh-Butler