Countless

Five months since you died.
Four months since your Thanksgiving Service.
Three weeks since your birthday.
A month to our anniversary.
A few minutes since I last reached for you.
An eternity since I last held you
(Or anyone else for that matter).

Give me a number.
How many hours or days or years?
How long?
I close my eyes to try to squeeze back the tears, but they simply find new corners from which to escape.
Ev’ry time I hear the phrase
When we get back to normal
My breath catches and I try not to scream
I can’t go back
None of us get to go back
We can not undo death
By wishing it were not so

I try to focus on those things that promise hope and joy...
But they are bittersweet, for their joy was to be found in the sharing,

Perhaps I will set my sights on satisfactions and signs of blessing.
They are more achievable.