Friday 14 December 2018

The Lament and Hope of Ecclesial Leadership

The most painful part of being around church leaders is not seeing dear friends suffer from white-anting, rejection, dishonouring and disillusionment. The most painful part is seeing beautiful, excellent and wonderful friends behaving atrociously. The perpetrators of injustice and stupidity are people we love. They are just like us. They are capable of great love and great evil. When I look at their decisions and behaviours, I know, I too am capable of great evil. In that moment, I become aware of the brokenness of our shared story... the one that keeps repeating on a loop of depravity. Good people behave badly - and usually, something inside their reasoning is listening to a serpent reasoning, rather than remembering to simply love God and each other.
 
One of my Fuller Professors, Sherwood Lingenfelter, recently released a book, ‘Leadershiin the Way of the Cross’. It was painful for me to read, as some of my own case study material was in it. As I read, I remembered my own regrets - mostly people I had hurt, decisions that impacted badly on others, my inability to draw out what I had perceived as the best from people. I confess my own culpability and brokenness. I have sometimes behaved as I thought I should and have later discovered that my thinking was grounded, not in love, but in evil. Is this intentional - I think not - but we are easily blinded by our own defensiveness. Repentance requires turning away from destructive behaviours, not seeking justification for them.
After I had concluded as the final Director of the ELM Centre (a wonderful and quirky place for lay ministry formation), Rev John Mallison (the founder) kept an eye on me. I had gone to Newcastle, where he also had been the Minister. He actually sent me an encouraging email the morning he died (just before he went on his last walk). He reminded me to keep investing in individuals - ah - all those coffees he would have at Pages Café at Koorong! Mentoring, he said, was one of the few things the church could not control. Invest in relationships of substance and worth! 
John and I held a little funeral for ELM. It was a child we had been given care of. It was flawed and fragile. There were many mistakes and people pinned too much on it. It represented all the ordinary and everyday disciples forgotten by the structures. John and I both wept and bore witness to one another’s regrets. Holding one another’s stories is not easy, but it helps us integrate all of who we are and what we have experienced. Do not forget your colleagues and friends. I especially remember those who were failed or hurt during that time. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t cover it.
Birthing a new community - The Commons - was a wonderful and terrible thing. Only recently, they have moved into new premises - rejected and outcast from a church that doesn’t want fresh expressions they cant direct or control. People who cannot name God are doing God’s work - loving people into a foretaste of the Kingdom of Heaven... God will have God’s way, with or without the Church! They are beyond comprehension now - they will not be counted in church statistics - but they are more real than the false structures that are holding us back. It is a very imperfect way of being, but The Commons is an attempt by people to live out the concept of blessing... a seeking to draw forth good. From The Commons I learnt about the God on the margins, who will never be held by a strategic plan or structure. As long as plans and structures dominate, God will turn over the tables. It will keep happening.

In my next appointment, I found myself in the centre of politics and power. In a role familiar to people in many places, I experienced the unconscious bullying and daily power games that seem to infest executive settings. The church does not equip us well to stand against such pressure. We come to believe this is part of ‘the game’, yet, this is exactly what we are called to challenged. In that setting, I learnt that personal mentoring and models of senior management of staff were important, but that the ongoing work of cultural change required spiritual interventions... the shared liminal experiences that bring about communitas... I became grateful for having written a dissertation (that no-one will ever read) for it made me notice ‘blessing’ as a form of spiritual interruption and transformation. I spent a lot of time reminding people that, for the church, God is core business... what is God’s blessing?

Since ELM days, I have thrown myself into national and international work. I co-wrote and facilitated much of the Space for Grace consultative process around marriage for the last 7 years. I write about S4G elsewhere, but essentially it is about an integrative approach to sharing stories and discovering truth together in spiritual disciplines (feasting together, dancing together, reading the scriptures together, praying together). When people refuse to hear or see one another in their real life stories, how can they read the Bible with any Truth? (I have also copped extraordinary criticism for this... mostly from people who are unable to conceive that God might still be revealing Godself among us. They seem to think God stopped operating among people with the publication of their translation of authorized text. Yet, God speaks louder in the scriptures among those who see themselves in the stories of Rachel and Leah and the Ethiopian eunuch.) I now continue some of that listening-storming work in my role on the Council of the World Methodist Church. Again - the continual reminder - God is core business... where is God’s blessing?

So - God and God’s blessings being core business - what now? When we can see with 20-20 hindsight are we still able to move forward? I will never forget the funeral of a friend, whose exercise books were full of names and commitments to pray. That cloud of witnesses again!

We came home after a difficult farewell recently, hearts heavy for friends and others in difficult situations. We prayed and lamented. It opened up questions about vocation and church. I believe we need to work to make radical change in focus. There is too much busy-work and not enough blessing. Too much problem-solving and not enough feasting. There is a heavenly party and we should be at it. I have lots of ideas! Do you?

Living with my husband’s daily approach to living with cancer makes me conscious of the value of living life to the full. Why waste time? There is too much beauty and wonder and delight and joy to spend our time creating pain. Yesterday, I spent time with a broken student, who was desperate to hear from her own mouth a word of hope in a dark world. In order to voice it, she first needed to confess the darkness around her and the impact that has had on her decisions and actions. My role was neither to condemn nor to preach, but to companion her on a difficult journey. She is suffering and has more suffering to come, but she is also now able to articulate her hope in a choice to live. Bearing witness to her word may yet bring me life.

For those of you who are able to speak out of your own brokenness, take courage - your suffering gives you credibility. For those who do not know you are broken, be silent - wait and listen - Christ is always coming.  


Saturday 13 October 2018

Gambling Advertisers on Our House

A friend posted a question on Facebook about our réponses to the SOH debacle...
This is my comment:

1. OPERA: As a former opera-singer... Although opera costs a lot to put on, opera is not-for-profit. It depends on philanthropy and generosity. In most countries where it happens it is heavily subsidized by Govt so it can be accessible to everyday people... why? Because great opera lifts the soul. Great art challenges thinking, tells eternal stories, plays between myth, mystery and existentialism. Opera inspires World Cups and brings down governments. Opera is frivolous and fun and offers the dramatic emotional reality of genocides and betrayals. Grand Opera is an investment in creative genius in our community.





2. PLACE: In the SOH, Sydney has a place that reflects and enhances the most beautiful harbour in the world. It is not glitzy. It is not a passing fad. It is architectural landscape of the highest order. It states that on this beautiful place - a place where we also remember hardship, confrontation and dispossession, here is a place where a city can work on its soul. Here is a ‘sacred place’ where communities encounter one another through the mutual respect built by sharing song, dance, literature, drama. It is a place of encounter and engagement... it is where you take the date you want to impress. It is where you take your overseas visitors. It is a place where I take Terry in his wheelchair, to receive soul food.

3. GAMBLING: The Opera House Lottery was not cheap. A ticket was the birthday gift you gave in our family because it was a choice of going to the movies or investing in the future of live theatre. We never bought a ticket expecting to win. We bought them to build our House.
In our extended family, we have seen destruction and death, failed marriage and abuse within the home as a result of gambling addiction. It is evil. This doesn’t mean I dont appreciate sports. It means I hate what the unbridled (pun intended) corrupting influence of what this industry has done.

4. HORSES: One of the most wonderful things Terry and I did was to go to the Sydney Olympic Equestrian events. At the 3-day event we saw horses (and riders) pushed to their limits. They certainly took risks in sport. They were the supreme athletes. Horse-racing misses and distracts from the nobility of horses fulfilling their physical potential - why - because (overall) the industry invests a mere pittance into the wellbeing of the animals. The money changes everything. It is about making profit at the expense of animals and punters. Is about reaching the economic top by trampling others. It is about greed. I dont want to place greed on Our Opera House.

4. CORRUPTION: When T and I went to see the symphony recently, we were also treated to aboriginal artwork on the sails... part of the ongoing exhibition post-vivid. Projections like this creatively use the sails for creative engagement - for us, it was a form of blessing. To remember and acknowledge whose place this is. The projection of gambling advertising reminds us only that power and greed corrupt our community, leading to great suffering.
I work for Parramatta Mission - we deal with homelessness, gambling addiction and substance abuse. We dont ask you to advertise the solutions on the Sails of Our House, but please dont create more problems for us!

Wednesday 10 October 2018

Why should we be Seeking Common Ground?

A few years ago I was involved with a bunch of radical disciples who birthed a new community it’s called ‘The Commons’ in Newcastle, NSW. The founders were inspired by Acts 2:42-47.

42The believers devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching, to the community, to their shared meals, and to their prayers. 43A sense of awe came over everyone. God performed many wonders and signs through the apostles. 44All the believers were united and shared everything. 45They would sell pieces of property and possessions and distribute the proceeds to everyone who needed them. 46Every day, they met together in the temple and ate in their homes. They shared food with gladness and simplicity. 47They praised God and demonstrated God's goodness to everyone. The Lord added daily to the community those who were being saved. (NRSV)

There are plenty of people I find it difficult to share with. I get uncomfortable when I don’t know customs or food types. I don’t like to have to conform to other people’s dress codes and I struggle with differentiating behaviours towards women and men. Nevertheless, I recognise that the world is bigger than me. I admit that the world is not made in my image and I am not the Centre of the universe.

Last year I had the opportunity to visit Rome, not as a tourist, but as a member of the World Methodist Council Steering Committee. I was able to present a collection of music, poems and art to the Vatican on behalf of Methodist and Wesleyan and Uniting/United peoples around the world. We can and should make a contribution, just as we seek to learn grow others.



I am in awe of the One who was born, lived and died for the sake of people who seem like such strangers to me. Surely, they must be worth getting to know more about! God loved and loves others. They are made in God’s image. As I get to know them, I may be privileged enough to see the revelation of God’s image in their lives. They may be gracious enough to teach me of their experiences of God. Surely we want more of these stories?

Over the last two months, I have had the opportunity to get to know Fred. He helps me with the Soup Kitchen at The Uni where I am a Chaplain. Fred is Jewish and each Thursday he serves at least 30 Muslim students soup. I have had the opportunity to listen to Muslim and Christian scholars exchange understandings about Adam, Eve and Creation. I have been part of a study group with Buddhist Catholic and Pagan members. Together, we have encouraged one another to use ur gifts in service to others.

I do not claim to be the same as ‘others’. I stand firm in my commitment to share the Gospel as I know and experience it, but I am learning to listen and learn in new and fresh ways. I am delighted to discover fresh questions and rich ideas about God and what is sacred. This is the ‘risky’ part of ‘risking the way of Jesus’ to keep discovering that God is beyond the limits of my imagining.

If we are to strive towards the renewal and reconciliation of all things as the promised end, we need to accept that ‘relationships with others’ must be part of that end. We can do it sooner or later, but we are called to be in those relationships that bring all into God’s harmony… God’s Shalom. Eventually, we must be willing to look for the image of God in the faces of those we do not yet know.

Thy Kingdom come. 
Thy will be done.
On earth as it is in Heaven.
Amen

If you would like to learn more about the Uniting Church in Australia’s ‘Seeking Common Ground’ Circle of Interest, go to this link.

Tuesday 14 August 2018

Based on Psalm 17

Based on Psalm 17

Hear my honest explanation
No excuses, but truth be told.
Can you find guiltless in me?
For I am still the child you hold…

Go ahead, see right inside me,
Look within my darkened soul—
Here you see I’m what I claim.
I did not invent the role you gave.

I’m not seeking to tread my path
    in the way of this world
I’m trying to find your path,
    Travel along your Word’s Way.
I’m seeking to tread your path
    Setting my steps
In line with yours
    I won’t give up.

I cry out to you, knowing you must answer.
    So—answer!
    Hear me!
    Listen!

Share the Truth
in ways we can understand
Offer Grace
in ways we can receive
Call us to you,
 from the bullying of this pressured violent world
Call us home…
 To you

Watch over me
Shelter me under your wing
Keep me safe
From the enemies closing in

Their hearts are hard
 and their angry voices shout
They chase me hard,
  Trying to bring me down,
They will rip into me and tear me apart
Hold them… break them…
Free me from them
Keep them away, these narrow minded judges

I’d like to see how they like it
    Starving, malnourished, from their greedy attitudes
The waste they’ve sown
    Baked into tasteless bread,
Shared amongst their children

And what about me?
I want to look into your face.
When I come home,
I want to see you, to stand in your presence
    and live in your heaven here on earth.

(C) 2018, A.Koh-Butler

Wednesday 4 April 2018

Voices in the silence

We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.” 
“When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful.” 
“I raise up my voice-not so I can shout but so that those without a voice can be heard...we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.”
― Malala Yousafzai
________

Shhhhhh
[Silence]
Hmmmm
[Silence]
Shhhhhh
[Silence]
Hmmmm
[Silence]

Ahhhh - ohhh - ahhh -ayeee [vocalise solo]

From the bowels of the earth
Seeds of life fill my being
I sense the fire 
driving breath throughout my soul

From the caverns underground
Vibrant streams flood my seeing
I behold the colours 
Swirling round my core  

From the death of fallen fruit
Shoots of green break through terrain
I feel tingling in the cells
Flowing through my veins

[instrumentals, featuring moments of silence, and finishing in silence...]

I raise my voice - out of the void
I raise my voice - out of emptiness
I sing this song - out of the space around me
I sing these words - when no-one wants to hear

I will not be silenced!
I will not withdraw!
I will sing with my every breath -
I will form the words for all -

These are the names of forgotten
The names of those whose harmonies -
are needed to bring peace -
and missing from our tables -
are hidden from the pictures
that we paint of common life.

I will not be silenced!
I will not withdraw!
I will sing with my every breath -
I will form the words for all -

C.2018,  A.Koh-Butler






Tuesday 3 April 2018

Glowing at night - at the Treehouse Hotel

Twas the eve of Palm Sunday.
My friends and I had been in meetings for two and a bit days. We had another day to go.
We were tired and the day had held many serious and deep conversations. We had prayed and worshipped. We had held each other’s stories. We had shared our heart for the nation and the faithful.
We looked for an hour to relax over a quiet drink.

We walked down the hill to the pub. We were in a city area and the pub was reasonably upmarket. Of course, five ministers/pastors walking into a bar sounds like the beginning of a particularly complex joke, but... we did it anyway!

I had been chatting with one of our number and the others had gone straight in to claim a table.
My friend held the door for me and followed in, passing me as the bouncer stopped me for a word.

“You can’t drink that in here”
“I’m sorry - what?”
“It’s policy that you cant have that here”
“I beg your pardon?”
“If it’s going to be a problem you can leave.”
“What problem, I dont understand?”
“You can’t drink that here.”
“Oh - my water bottle?”
“Well - it’s a flask - it could be anything -  and you cant have it here.”
“It’s my water bottle.”
“Is it a problem for you?”
“No, but”
“You can get water at the bar”
“”Yes - but I carry PH water - it’s alkaline”
“If you have a problem, you can leave”

And (to my friends)
“If any of you have a problem, you can leave”

One of my friends starts to get up...
“No” I say “No problem - it’s just a water bottle - if you dont want to test it, I’ll put it in my bag.”

We sit and order a drink and some food.
A great conversation ensues, but not before each of the friends catch my eye to make sure I am ok.
“Nothing we havn’t all dealt with before” I say.

And there it is. I know that each of my ministry friends has had dealings with bouncers. They have each been turned away or picked on or singled out. Does this happen to everyone? Or only those who are Aborighinal or Tongan or their yellow (Chinese) friends?

This was what I will remember of the last Assembly Standing Committee of the 2015-2018 Triennium.

We were not wearing collars, nor high heels and sequins. We were simply a small group of casually dressed quiet people - obviously not partying, simply some friends, seeking a place to enjoy each other’s company. We were bringing in business.

I wondered if the bouncer thought we were undesirables. Then I began to wonder if the ‘white’ bouncer was responding to us being people of colour. It shamed me to even consider the question. Some might suggest I was reading too much into it. I don’t go to bars very often - I would have no idea what a policy about a water bottle involved. It reminded me of some particularly surly welcomers at some worship services!

Lol... It reminded me of a ‘welcomer’ who recently passed away. He had a heart of gold and worked incredibly hard for the church I was once at. But - any congregation is probably going to face some challenges if the ‘welcomer’ is on the spectrum and struggles to relate to anyone who doesn’t fit their idea of who should be let in. May he Rest In Peace and may he find good welcome at the gates of Heaven!

I feel for the bouncer - he missed out on the blessing of my friends. They spent their money and were gold-class clients. No trouble. Just good people.
 
We have a long way to go as a nation. Now, more than ever, the country needs a multicultural church... not one that pretends racism doesn’t exist, but one that acknowledges that only by walking together can we create a different kind of community foretaste of the Kingdom of Heaven.

I cannot begin to explain the respect I feel for my friends. They are heros and heroines in my eyes. They bear the slander and shame of racism with the Passion of Christ. They laugh and joke and share a drink at the end of long complex days, knowing it is easier to walk away. They offer companionship on a pilgrimage of faith. They sing loud and dance (when others do not). I love my faith friends.





Glow in the Dark

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

[two people are discussing whether one can make a difference as an ‘ordinary person’ in influencing peace - a woman is lighting paper lanterns, a man is questioning her]


What can you offer in a situation like this? You are no diplomat! You know nothing of politics or economic realities that shape the decisions to wage war or bargain for peace! How can you even contemplate having an opinion about the future of this land? Who do you think you are? You are nothing! You are no-one!

Not to my husband.
Not to my child.
They love me.
   
What have they got to do with it? You are no-one. They are nothing.
  
But I know why people stand up and say No - for their children... for their land... for their home... what is peace to you? 
What is peace to those who negotiate? 
They go home to their safe houses. 
It is not their husband who will die in battle. 
It is not their child who will be homeless.

(Song - Intro)

I offer a reality check.
I focus the light on truth.
I remind people to open their eyes - to see beyond the storyboards.
I bear light because of the warmth of the baby I hold in my arms.
I behold a face full of tenderness, glowing with joy at being alive.
I hear laughter when I turn my glance and catch a glimpse of the breath of my breath - the life that came from within ...

Life might come from within - a spark of possibility...

In the darkness of their fears
They may turn to one with experience of life - of love - of hope
In the challenge of these anxious days
They may pray for offers of embrace - for comfort - for truce-time
If we buy but a day of calm, we may be one day closer to Heaven.

Anthem

I want to glow in the dark
Like the light in your eyes.
I want to bring out the spark
Of your words

I want to lift up your prayer
As a banner of hope
Let your story of life
Be our truth

I want to float on the vision of Heaven
I want to bless this great family’s soul
I want to join the collective of this earth
Let the story of life

Be our truth

Both voices
Like the stars in the Heavens
Our hearts proclaim praise
To the Truth and the Life and Belief. 
May we glow in the darkness 
To show the Way
On the path of the pilgrim... 


I want to glow in the dark
With bright light in my eyes .
I want to speak with a spark 
In my words

I want to lift up a prayer
As a banner of hope
Let the story of life
Be our truth

We want to float on the vision of Heaven
We want to bless this great family’s soul
We want to join the collective of this earth
Let the story of life

Be our truth
Choir
Like the stars in the Heavens
Our hearts proclaim praise
To the Truth and the Life and Belief. 
May we glow in the darkness 
To show the Way
On the path of the pilgrim... 

We want to float on the vision of Heaven
We want to bless this great family’s soul
We want to join the collective of this earth
Let the story of life

Be our truth


Chorale

Glow as the children of Heaven
Glow with the warmth of the thousand suns
Glow with the light of the Child in the night
Shining for Life yet to come

Darkness may try to engulf us 
Threaten to tear us apart. 
Hatred creeps up and confronts us 
Anger wells up from within.
Only the Light and the Love 
of Life can free us to be
those who

Glow as the children of Heaven
Glow with the warmth of the thousand suns
Glow with the light of the Child in the night

Shining for Life yet to come

C. A.Koh-Butler, 2018   

Wednesday 28 February 2018

Peacekeeping (Dona nobis pacem)

Intro...

Frustration beckons yet again - conflict rising in their throats -
words transform to violent acts - call me to the task...

Verse

What can I say in a room full of pain?
What can I hear in a chorus of screams?
What can I do in a place full of hate?
My heart beats so fast it could burst!

Chorus

Lord, bring peace.
They tell me that this is my prayer.
Lord, bring peace.
As if I can make peace appear...
out of thin air!

Verse

Who will approach the man with a gun?
Who will step up and be seen?
Who will confront the intent of death?
Life seems to sap from my soul!

Chorus

Lord, give peace.
They tell me that this is my prayer.
Lord, give peace.
As if peace might soon appear...
out of thin air!

Bridge

Trained as I am in the ways of the world,
here I am armed with but wit and a will
to see through a vision for the guns to be still
driven to put my own safety on hold
that security might be normalised here
turning this people away from their fear
I pause.... fragile... struggling between despair and promise
...

Chorus

Lord, make peace.
I ask - for this is my prayer.
Lord, give peace.
I ask - I pray - I breathe...
(out of thin air!)

c. A.Koh-Butler, 2018

Monday 22 January 2018

Double-faith: Ghandi and non-violence

Mahatma Ghandi said:
"Non-violence and truth are inseparable and presuppose one another."
"Non-violence is not a garment to be put on and off at will. Its seat is in the heart, and it must be an inseparable part of our being."
"Nonviolence is the first article of my faith. It is also the last article of my creed."
"Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man."
"Non-violence, which is the quality of the heart, cannot come by an appeal to the brain."

And
"Non-violence requires a double faith, faith in God and also faith in man."