My beloved husband, Terry, died on December 10, 2019. He had over six years of lung cancer and five years of brain cancer. In his final months, he also had bladder cancer and kidney stones. He faced the whole experience with courage and grace.
I did not set out to write these. They started to pour out with tears as I recollected the sharings of those who have walked the grief path ahead of me.
I have found wonderful examples and friendship from among broken-hearted saints who have shared something of their complex thinking.
These reflections are for me, but they are published in the knowledge that the sharing of others is even now helping me. I am particularly grateful to my dear friend, Tony Floyd, whose own sharing in bereavement is woven into this experience. He has a blog and reflections that have a number of pieces in conversation with these ones.
1 A Blue Christmas
2 Smoke
3 Leave Me Alone
4 Gratitude
5 Selfish compassion
6 Close
7 Homeless
8 Pungent Memory
9 Absent Joy
10 The Art of Painting Smiles
11 Collage
12 The Llama and the Rabbit
13 Blue (Part 1)
14 Blue (Part 2)
15 Blue (Part 3)
16 Breathe
17 Blue - Last year
18 Llama - the Camel’s Hippie Cousin
19 Silence and Prayer
20 Chaplain’s Greeting
21 Blessing Furniture
22 The Cure of Play
23 Words and Phrases
24 To Ravel
25 Conventionality Dismissed
26 Lovesong
27 The Magnet Effect
28 Of all the gin joints
29 Meditation for the Day After
30 Sorrow
31 Another Life, a parallel universe
32. Widowing
33 The Silence of Grief
34 The Sacrament of Friendship
35 Wrapped
36 Hanging with Evangelicals
37 Authenticity
38 Mealtime
39 Early Hours
40 Beyond Breath
Initially, I had wondered if these posts would be for a week or a month or forty days. Now, I wonder if they might take 100 days of mourning, as observed by my Fijian family. Who knows? The images and thoughts keep coming. I have been joined by two others who are also writing. They have prompted me to go deeper and say I do the same for them. Between us, we gentle each other in our sad and sacred work. We name the holy and recognize the God of Life also took the time to be the One of Sorrows... so, for the moment, on it goes...
41 Missing Gold
42 How do I love you
43 Voice
44 Holy Days
I have done the prep, now I start getting into the deep work...
45 Meeting
46 Groupinar
47 Beatitude of Death - Part 1
48 Beatitude of Death - Part 2
49 Beatitude of Death - Part 3
50 Foolishness
51 Prophet
The following were written as I journeyed back to Adelaide, home of some of the most intense period of our shared story. We lived there for three years when Terry succumbed to brain cancer. This trip was for the Fijian National conference, so I went with members of my congregation, but I also saw many dear friends and went to places we held dear.
52 Young People
53 Haunts
54 Changes to His Story
55 Denial
56 Coffylosophy Blessing
Back in Sydney/Parramatta and back to work at Western Sydney Uni...
57 Condolence
58 Food and Feasts
59 Tonight
60 Waiting
61 Hospital Visit
62 Anniversaries
63 Honorary Queer and Honouring Stories
64 Hold on
65 Separation
66 Heaven
67 Again and Again
68 Definitions
69 Present
70 I’m ok
71 Forgive Me - a personal psalm
72 It’s not my problem
The last weeks have seen intense grief, shared around the whole world.
It’s fitting to journey the Easter story.
73 Easter Saturday
74 Countless
I took an extended break from blogging. Then I took a retreat as part of my Annual Leave.
Just under two years ago, I packed up and left our last together home in Parramatta. I have been living in Singapore since March 2023. It is a new stage of life, but still very much shaped by our love.
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