Evocation #33 The Silence of Grief

Like him, I cannot find the way to tell you.
Some would say,
‘There are no words’,
but that is perhaps not enough.
Better to say,
‘There is nothing that can be expressed’
for the heart cannot be expressed in words...
only in the fullness
of the held hand
or the intimate embrace.
What then are we to do in the absence
of the hand and the arms than held me?
While others offer hands and hearts,
arms and real loving-kindness,
(don’t get me wrong, these are welcome)
they are mere suggestions of
the hands and arms no longer there.

So...

(Silence)

Punkywayshone
provided hints of alternative communications,
Yet the master of punkywayshone has left the building...
At least send back Elvis!

How do we speak of death?
We do not speak of longing...
Because it is insatiable.
There is no solution to such longing.
There is no possible ending to such grief.
Where does this leave us?

The widows and widowers gather and patiently explain,
“Did you once upon a time pray for patience? First mistake!
Now you face a life of waiting, of learning patience,
of grief and longing,
“as the deer longs for the water, so my soul longs for you”...

The longing for God’s Heaven
is now given physical embodiment in my grieving.
Heaven may have an added jewell,
but now I have an added incentive.
Is that what keeps me ‘in’ this
unholy, sinful, dis-graceful institution?

Ah - the church - where we keep
silence
to hide the brokenness of our condition.

WE
CONFESS
IN
SILENCE.

We point at brokenness,
like it can be observed and not experienced.
What did we learn from the Nazarene?
Who entered into human form and was broken.
Oh - yeah - but not his spirit -
I can hear the objections now....

Wanna bet?

You ask, in your prayers...
How broken were you really?
Did you just pretend to be forsaken?
You knew broken would only be temporary
like cracks that would be mended in gold and silver...
Or did you offer everything
Everything...
Did you offer
to embody
nothing?
To enter into
nothing?
To...
Well
Nothing
Really...

The silence makes us as nothing...
No voice
No hands
No embrace
No tears
No recognition of love
...
Just mercy.

(C) A A Koh-Butler, 2020