Evocation #60 Waiting

Arrive before your appointment.
Bring something to read.
Listen to your playlist.
Play games to pass the time.
Don’t get sucked into daytime television -
it will rot your brain...
(more than brain cancer!)

I thought I was prepared,
But now I ask:
Is this the list for life now?
Am I simply waiting to join you?
What else am I meant to do?
You didn’t wait for me.
You went without me.
You went without me.
You went without me.

We build waiting into the rhythms of life
And, accompanying you, we waited on your death,
But this waiting is not part of the rhythm.
It is purgatory.
It is the little death than comes with loss of life.
It is the thin place where
the trappings of celebration wrap frozen tears.
It will be hard to thaw what is difficult to find
- the beating heart.

Moments like this are still 
as I wait upon the knowledge 
that breath will come 
despite the faint hope 
that it will not 
and the waiting will be over.

Expertise in waiting - 
I see it in the carriage 
of the ancient ones 
who have long sat in this waiting room.
Startled at the prospect I settle in 
and wonder how I will occupy myself.

© A A Koh-Butler, 2020