Evocation #70 I’m ok

You kindly ask: R U O K?
I’m ok...

If I say it enough times,
either you or I might believe it.

What is OK?
Perhaps OK is not longing for the death
that would take me to where my heart resides?
Perhaps OK is simply showing up?
Perhaps OK is getting showered and dressed
when I simply want to hide under the sheets.

OK is like AMEN.
So be it - it is so...
I’m ok, not because I feel it, but because I am trying to behave it.
OK is an act of faith.
When despair and sorrow catch my heart and mind,
I will behave as if life is OK.... Amen.

So it is, this blue time of sadness.
It is a time when I am glad to observe the joys of others,
When I smile at the laughter of others,
When I remember breathing.

So it is, this blue sky day.
It is a time when the clouds hover over my own soul,
when the sun shining on my friends comforts me
and holds my head above the drowning waters.

So it is, this blue note day.
It is a rhythm of pauses and rests,
When the melody is interrupted
and the dissonance of contrasts does violence to my sleep.

I am asked. I respond.
I’m doing ok.

© A A Koh-Butler, 2020