Voices in the silence

We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.” 

“When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful.” 

― Malala Yousafzai, I Am Malala: The Story of the Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban

“I raise up my voice-not so I can shout but so that those without a voice can be heard...we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.”
― Malala Yousafzai

________

Shhhhhh

[Silence]

Hmmmm

[Silence]

Shhhhhh

[Silence]

Hmmmm

[Silence]

Ahhhh - ohhh - ahhh -ayeee [vocalise solo]

From the bowels of the earth

Seeds of life fill my being

I sense the fire 

driving breath throughout my soul

From the caverns underground

Vibrant streams flood my seeing

I behold the colours 

Swirling round my core  

From the death of fallen fruit

Shoots of green break through terrain

I feel tingling in the cells
Flowing through my veins

[instrumentals, featuring moments of silence, and finishing in silence...]

I raise my voice - out of the void
I raise my voice - out of emptiness
I sing this song - out of the space around me
I sing these words - when no-one wants to hear

I will not be silenced!
I will not withdraw!
I will sing with my every breath -
I will form the words for all -

These are the names of forgotten
The names of those whose harmonies -
are needed to bring peace -
and missing from our tables -
are hidden from the pictures
that we paint of common life.

I will not be silenced!
I will not withdraw!
I will sing with my every breath -
I will form the words for all -

C.2018,  A.Koh-Butler

Glowing at night - at the Treehouse Hotel

‘Twas the eve of Palm Sunday.
My friends and I had been in meetings for two and a bit days. We had another day to go.
We were tired and the day had held many serious and deep conversations. We had prayed and worshipped. We had held each other’s stories. We had shared our heart for the nation and the faithful.
We looked for an hour to relax over a quiet drink.

We walked down the hill to the pub. We were in a city area and the pub was reasonably upmarket. Of course, five ministers/pastors walking into a bar sounds like the beginning of a particularly complex joke, but... we did it anyway!

I had been chatting with one of our number and the others had gone straight in to claim a table.
My friend held the door for me and followed in, passing me as the bouncer stopped me for a word.

“You can’t drink that in here”
“I’m sorry - what?”
“It’s policy that you cant have that here”
“I beg your pardon?”
“If it’s going to be a problem you can leave.”
“What problem, I dont understand?”
“You can’t drink that here.”
“Oh - my water bottle?”
“Well - it’s a flask - it could be anything -  and you cant have it here.”
“It’s my water bottle.”
“Is it a problem for you?”
“No, but”
“You can get water at the bar”
“”Yes - but I carry PH water - it’s alkaline”
“If you have a problem, you can leave”

And (to my friends)
“If any of you have a problem, you can leave”

One of my friends starts to get up...
“No” I say “No problem - it’s just a water bottle - if you dont want to test it, I’ll put it in my bag.”

We sit and order a drink and some food.
A great conversation ensues, but not before each of the friends catch my eye to make sure I am ok.
“Nothing we havn’t all dealt with before” I say.

And there it is. I know that each of my ministry friends has had dealings with bouncers. They have each been turned away or picked on or singled out. Does this happen to everyone? Or only those who are Aborighinal or Tongan or their yellow (Chinese) friends?

This was what I will remember of the last Assembly Standing Committee of the 2015-2018 Triennium.

We were not wearing collars, nor high heels and sequins. We were simply a small group of casually dressed quiet people - obviously not partying, simply some friends, seeking a place to enjoy each other’s company. We were bringing in business.

I wondered if the bouncer thought we were undesirables. Then I began to wonder if the ‘white’ bouncer was responding to us being people of colour. It shamed me to even consider the question. Some might suggest I was reading too much into it. I don’t go to bars very often - I would have no idea what a policy about a water bottle involved. It reminded me of some particularly surly welcomers at some worship services!

Lol... It reminded me of a ‘welcomer’ who recently passed away. He had a heart of gold and worked incredibly hard for the church I was once at. But - any congregation is probably going to face some challenges if the ‘welcomer’ is on the spectrum and struggles to relate to anyone who doesn’t fit their idea of who should be let in. May he Rest In Peace and may he find good welcome at the gates of Heaven!

I feel for the bouncer - he missed out on the blessing of my friends. They spent their money and were gold-class clients. No trouble. Just good people.
 
We have a long way to go as a nation. Now, more than ever, the country needs a multicultural church... not one that pretends racism doesn’t exist, but one that acknowledges that only by walking together can we create a different kind of community foretaste of the Kingdom of Heaven.

I cannot begin to explain the respect I feel for my friends. They are heros and heroines in my eyes. They bear the slander and shame of racism with the Passion of Christ. They laugh and joke and share a drink at the end of long complex days, knowing it is easier to walk away. They offer companionship on a pilgrimage of faith. They sing loud and dance (when others do not). I love my faith friends.

Glow in the Dark

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

[two people are discussing whether one can make a difference as an ‘ordinary person’ in influencing peace - a woman is lighting paper lanterns, a man is questioning her]


What can you offer in a situation like this? You are no diplomat! You know nothing of politics or economic realities that shape the decisions to wage war or bargain for peace! How can you even contemplate having an opinion about the future of this land? Who do you think you are? You are nothing! You are no-one!

Not to my husband.
Not to my child.
They love me.
   
What have they got to do with it? You are no-one. They are nothing.
  

But I know why people stand up and say No - for their children... for their land... for their home... what is peace to you? 

What is peace to those who negotiate? 

They go home to their safe houses. 

It is not their husband who will die in battle. 

It is not their child who will be homeless.

(Song - Intro)

I offer a reality check.
I focus the light on truth.
I remind people to open their eyes - to see beyond the storyboards.
I bear light because of the warmth of the baby I hold in my arms.
I behold a face full of tenderness, glowing with joy at being alive.
I hear laughter when I turn my glance and catch a glimpse of the breath of my breath - the life that came from within ...

Life might come from within - a spark of possibility...

In the darkness of their fears
They may turn to one with experience of life - of love - of hope
In the challenge of these anxious days
They may pray for offers of embrace - for comfort - for truce-time
If we buy but a day of calm, we may be one day closer to Heaven.

Anthem

I want to glow in the dark
Like the light in your eyes.
I want to bring out the spark
Of your words

I want to lift up your prayer
As a banner of hope
Let your story of life
Be our truth

I want to float on the vision of Heaven
I want to bless this great family’s soul
I want to join the collective of this earth
Let the story of life

Be our truth

Both voices

Like the stars in the Heavens
Our hearts proclaim praise
To the Truth and the Life and Belief. 
May we glow in the darkness 
To show the Way
On the path of the pilgrim... 


I want to glow in the dark
With bright light in my eyes .
I want to speak with a spark 
In my words

I want to lift up a prayer
As a banner of hope
Let the story of life
Be our truth

We want to float on the vision of Heaven
We want to bless this great family’s soul
We want to join the collective of this earth
Let the story of life

Be our truth

Choir

Like the stars in the Heavens

Our hearts proclaim praise
To the Truth and the Life and Belief. 
May we glow in the darkness 
To show the Way
On the path of the pilgrim... 

We want to float on the vision of Heaven
We want to bless this great family’s soul
We want to join the collective of this earth
Let the story of life

Be our truth


Chorale

Glow as the children of Heaven
Glow with the warmth of the thousand suns
Glow with the light of the Child in the night
Shining for Life yet to come

Darkness may try to engulf us 
Threaten to tear us apart. 
Hatred creeps up and confronts us 
Anger wells up from within.
Only the Light and the Love 
of Life can free us to be
those who

Glow as the children of Heaven
Glow with the warmth of the thousand suns
Glow with the light of the Child in the night

Shining for Life yet to come

C. A.Koh-Butler, 2018   

Peacekeeping (Dona nobis pacem)

Intro...

Frustration beckons yet again - conflict rising in their throats -
words transform to violent acts - call me to the task...

Verse

What can I say in a room full of pain?
What can I hear in a chorus of screams?
What can I do in a place full of hate?
My heart beats so fast it could burst!

Chorus

Lord, bring peace.
They tell me that this is my prayer.
Lord, bring peace.
As if I can make peace appear...
out of thin air!

Verse

Who will approach the man with a gun?
Who will step up and be seen?
Who will confront the intent of death?
Life seems to sap from my soul!

Chorus

Lord, give peace.
They tell me that this is my prayer.
Lord, give peace.
As if peace might soon appear...
out of thin air!

Bridge

Trained as I am in the ways of the world,

here I am armed with but wit and a will

to see through a vision for the guns to be still

driven to put my own safety on hold

that security might be normalised here

turning this people away from their fear

I pause.... fragile... struggling between despair and promise

...

Chorus

Lord, make peace.
I ask - for this is my prayer.
Lord, give peace.
I ask - I pray - I breathe...
(out of thin air!)

c. A.Koh-Butler, 2018

Double-faith: Ghandi and non-violence

Mahatma Ghandi said:

"Non-violence and truth are inseparable and presuppose one another."
"Non-violence is not a garment to be put on and off at will. Its seat is in the heart, and it must be an inseparable part of our being."
"Nonviolence is the first article of my faith. It is also the last article of my creed."
"Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man."
"Non-violence, which is the quality of the heart, cannot come by an appeal to the brain."

And

"Non-violence requires a double faith, faith in God and also faith in man."

Me Too - a response

(From my beloved, Terry Butler)

A long time ago, when I was in my late teens, I hit my girlfriend. It was done in a moment of grief, anger, and high emotion. She was having an emotional meltdown due to factors that had nothing to do with me. In my naivety, I tried to calm her, but being a clumsy teenager, what I said did not help an already volatile situation. She lashed out, hitting me quite hard in the face. I was shocked, not so much by the pain, but that someone would hit me. She hit me again, even harder, on the side of my head, giving me terrible pain to my ear. I was really stunned and now in pain. When she tried to hit me again I slapped her on the face. The slap shocked her into stopping her tirade of abuse, which in hindsight I realised was not really directed at me. It took a much wiser head to explain that to me a few days later. However, I was stunned at my own behaviour.

My brother and I were fortunate growing up. Our Dad instilled in us a good understanding of right and wrong, especially when it came to how you treat the opposite sex. He told us that any man who hit a woman is not real a man at all, rather a coward would be more appropriate. There were many other great bits of wisdom from him, and mum as well, but that was a real deal breaker in his eyes when measuring the worth of someone.

For days after the slap, I was racked with guilt. I was not trying to justify my actions to myself, and I’m certainly not trying to do that now. This is just an explanation of what happened. Eventually, I had to tell dad, mainly because I couldn’t bear to look him in the eye while carrying around the horrible thing that I’d done. So, when I told him, he asked me a lot of questions about the circumstances that drove me to the slap. Some of which were; Was she still talking to me? Yes. Do you still care about her? Yes. Would you do it again? No!

The important part of this story, for me, was how I felt when I did it. I didn’t feel powerful. I didn’t feel manly. I didn’t feel strong. I felt mortified.  I had apologised profusely to my girlfriend, and she said she forgave me, and laughingly apologised for beating me up and giving me a black ear.

The point is, how do men who inflict physical and sexual violence upon women and girls live with themselves? The recent wave of stories about men in positions of power, raping, groping, abusing, and physically attacking woman, makes me feel ill. How do they sleep at night? How do they look in the mirror, thinking things are ok? What kind of twisted world do they inhabit?

I don’t have to name them, you’ve all read the stories, you know who they are. However, there are lots more. Would they want their sisters treated that way? Or their mothers? Or do they just see women as ‘cock fodder’, another scalp to make them feel more like a man? Well not in my eyes.

I’m bereft of an answer to this disgusting problem and I’m still trying to get my head around the motivations, the justifications, the misremembering, and the denials.

I think men should start being real men and call it out when they see it. Groping, touching up, slapping. These things are not ok. Being with a bunch of mates, having a few drinks, and sexually intimidating women with lewd suggestions and catcalls is not ok. Be a real man and have some respect. We will all be better off. 

- TB

Giving Voice - singing a new song

Psalm 96:1
1 
O sing to the Lord a new song...


When I was a teenager, I loved to sing in the choir. Actually, I just loved to sing, but the choir was a particularly good place to do it. Singing took me away from the mundane and allowed me to glimpse something beyond. You could say, it was spiritual experience. It was available. It was accessible. It allowed my voice to get out of my body.

The Choir at my school was a joy to be a part of... there were several choirs and each held joy for me. Two weeks ago, I attended my 35 year reunion and I was reminded that Choirs (and the friendships made there) were a highlight. The Choirs sang interesting works. Some of them made me think... not just about the words, but about beauty and possibility. The songs helped me to believe in hope and heaven. They also provided my earliest theological fodder.

The school I went to had been shaped by some of the finest Australian feminists: Betty Archdale and Kath McCredie and a raft of brilliant and dedicated teachers... many of whom I still count as friends. They taught, stretched, questioned, cajoled, cared and blessed us by drawing us out. You always get a few dodgy teachers, but, on the whole, they liberated our hearts and minds to embrace the world. Seeing so many fine women thirty-five years later, we are strong and proud.

Last weekend, my voice was questioned and criticized. I was attacked not only for what I say, but also for being a woman saying it. I was shocked and angry. In gradually letting people know about this violation of identity, I have been grateful for the support and empathy of many friends and colleagues. I also have a heightened consciousness about who responds as a friend and who uses their influence and power to combat such behaviour in our society and our particular communities.

(My work, undertaken with a male colleague, was also criticized publicly with allegations of a flawed approach to the use of the Scriptures. This, coming from people who had not read our actual work.  Our publications stand on their own merit and cannot be interpreted in that way. I have previously experienced this same type of criticism from male academics who have seen fit to criticize my work without reading it. When called out, they revert to... ‘well, that is what someone said to me...’)

Many of my friends are in positions of respect and authority. They have the opportunity and capacity to give voice to justice and rebuke those who diminish us. In reality, we all want to speak up for ourselves, but sometimes it is those beyond (allies and companions), whose voices in harmony allow us the liberty of singing out. As a woman, I invite men to speak up. For people who are marginalized (whether it be migrants experiencing racism or people who identify as LGBTIQ who experience homophobia), I encourage ‘others’ to speak up, stand with, and provide harmony. We should not leave people alone in their struggle for inclusion love and acceptance.

So, just to respond to those who have contacted me, in whatever capacity - I will not shut up.