After 363 days

363 days ago, my beloved Terry was struggling to breathe. Dear Friends were staying with us and seeing to his meds and personal needs. I was napping for an hour or two every 4-5 hours, in between holding vigil. The final days involved many people passing through our bedroom, whispering thanks and blessings, sometimes singing and laughing at shared stories. I don’t know how much he was aware of in those final days. I do remember my old A Capella group, Mixed Blessing, singing carols from our balcony through the screen door. He seemed to rally for a few precious moments of consciousness to beam at them. He couldn’t talk by then, but he smiled beautifully, making so much effort feel like a good investment. The power of singing lifts the soul and comforts the spirit. Perhaps their voices called home a little closer to heaven? I like to think so.

 

This time last year, we joked that he was at the gates of heaven but had offered St Peter to go take a smoko while he did the welcoming. He lingered there for awhile… one foot here, one foot there. I imagined his friends on the other side, telling him to stop wasting time and come in. He was in no rush. He would companion others who were less certain of the way. He knew things would be ok.

 

Today I attended Van Gogh Alive at the old Moore Park Showgrounds. It took me back nine years to when we had visited the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam, and a few years later when we visited Arles and St Remy, following in the footsteps of the vibrant and troubled painter. Van Gogh said that he devoted his passion and soul to his art and he paid for it with his mind. Terry’s brain cancer took some of his faculties, but his passion and soul stayed true. He lived life in vibrancy. He never stopped living to the fullest. When others might have resigned themselves to a quieter existence, he simply made even greater efforts to learn new ways of overcoming the obstacles. I learnt determination from him.

 

Grief can be a mixture of tears and smiles, a catch of breath and remembered love. Van Gogh mentioned love a lot. Love and beauty – related themes, for beauty is appreciated in loving. Maybe this is the promise of resurrection – that even after death, surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life – and, one day – I will dwell in the house of the Lord, forever and ever.

 

Tonight I will watch some ‘hit and giggle’ (T20) cricket at the SCG, sitting in ‘our seat(s)’ on the deck of the MA Noble Stand. I will hang on to the inherited membership a little longer, just to see if his grandsons learn to appreciate the heritage. So many years, we sat in companionship there, often accompanied by dear friends. It will be strange to be there without him, but I suspect he will be watching.

 

Prayer in a Waiting Room (or outdoor queue)

As I put my mask on...

Lord, keep me mindful of the safety of others.

As I journey to the testing centre...

Lord, may I be purposeful and calm

As I use the hand sanitiser...

may I trust in the testing and healing hands of others.

As I fill in the forms on arrival...

May I appreciate my connectedness and relationships with others and the capacity to communicate.

As I wait for me number to be called....

Lord, bless those who sit around me, ease their hearts and minds and may they be well, in all manner of things.

As I enter the testing space...

May I be still and helpful to the one who will care for me.

As I am tested...

Lord, I pray for this brave person, testing possible cases every day... keep him/her safe and full of peace and wisdom.

As I depart...

Lord, I give thanks for the possibility of being tested and having access to treatment and support.

Bless testing centres and people who work in them.

Bless those who are presenting.

God watch over us.

Amen

Prayer for Distant Farewells

Kneeling on lands far apart, we offer our prayers:

God of all times and places, 

from the grounding of where we are, 

we become conscious of eternal life and the promise of Heaven.

It is so hard tp be apart.

We long for touch and comfort.

We long to be able to connect as we have in the past.

We grieve the present that is also not present.

In faith, then, we ask to be held together by Your Spirit, O God.

Hold our souls within You. 

Bless the love and longing we have for one another.

How do we saw farewell?

God bless us in our parting and promise us a heavenly reunion.

How do we give thanks for the treasures of our loving?

God bless our memories and nourish the future.

How do we say sorry for the regrets that remain?

God forgive us and help us to give and receive forgiveness.

How do we hold our hearts?

God, you see and hear and know the depths within. Hold and heal us.

We name and know our belonging to one another and our belonging to you.

God bless us in our departing.

Acts of Faith

For Siddy 

We have discovered fresh acts of faith:

To preach hope when feeling hopeless,

To preach joy when overcome with despair,

To preach love from beneath the waves of anger,

To preach healing from a broken soul.

We are the ones who remain:

To act as cheerleaders and encouragers,

To mentor and counsel and guide,

To sympathise and empathize

To carry those whose burdens weigh heavy.

This is not my anniversary, 

but I lay under the quilt of her grief and her hope.

This is not the day of my mourning

but i remain held by the prayers of the one who is gone.

Don’t try to hang on to the butterfly.

From a great distance our friendships are anamnesis.

They were, and are and are yet to be,

Acts of faith in the living and dying and rising again - 

Our lives are acts of faith...

In mystery and promise.

The Heart

At the end, in those last hours, I place my hand on your heart... willing it to stop, encouraging it to ‘go home’. It was the most painful thing I ever did and still haunts me with grief.

Your heart wrapped mine,

Gesling it, protecting it,

Teaching me new layers of love

And new depths to being loved.

Now I must learn 

To keep the seed you have placed in my heart,

To allow it to die, resurrect and grow.

New shoots of life will emerge 

from my heart, nourished by yours.

One day, a blossoming will come 

and I will place the seed of love to be treasured 

into the hearts of those I leave behind.

I receive the gift from you 

and commit to passing it on.

Unfilled Gap

Today I came across a quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer,

There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve -- even in pain -- the authentic relationship. Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.

Of course, I am sure I have read this before. I am sure I reflected on it seriously and studiously. Now I read it and the tears flow, more flood-like than ever before. Eight months and two weeks... but who is counting! I knew I would grieve, but perhaps I never knew what this flavour of grief would be. There have been other griefs, but whole chunks of my own soul departed those last breaths. As much as I hunt the cupboards, I cannot find those pieces of my soul... and the Makita drill... it has disappeared too, and there is no-one to ask where it is!

I reflected today on the emptiness and the pain of this ongoing, authentic relationship.Do I even hope for the silent joy? It is hard to imagine in the torment of memory. Yet I find myself constantly searching for memories to try to appreciate and give thanks for that life-giving moment to counter each little death. I look for the silent joy in the taste of juice or the wearing of a T-shirt. I seek a hint of what was lovely in a sip of coffee or a favoured song. I catch myself trying to appreciate what was once deemed beautiful in the echo of today.

Echoes are exactly that. The sound of the echo reminds how terribly far away the voice has gone. Presence cannot be captured in the bounce of reflected story. It is real and it is remote.

I know there is a hidden treasure. And when one finds a hidden treasure in a field you sell everything to buy the field. It is no surprise, therefore, that I would continue to search the stories to husband my treasures.

The rainbow colours grey

Being isolated somehow invites us into a strange global awareness.
We are alone.
We are not alone.

It is over 5 months now since my beloved died after a six-year journey with cancer.
I am alone.
I am not alone.

For the last 5 months, three have been spent in inglorious isolation... trying to figure out who I am. For years, he gave me positive identity: friend, companion, beloved, lover, wife, mother, grandmother, carer. While the maternal aspects remain, they are also changed, as I seek not just to be mother and grandmother, but parent and grandparent - subtle, but important.

He also reinforced for me a sense of colour. The colours did not fade with age, rather they became more pronounced, more vibrant, more exotic and blended with delightful nuance. At times, his hair was fire engine red - a tribute to Arsenal football club, as a Gooner. Mostly, his hair became vibrant blue - in support of Beyond Blue, as someone who confronted mental health stresses by insisting on living positively and proclaiming good news with every fibre of his being.

It was infectious. I continue to wear blue and pink hair. I don't just do it for his memory and I don't just do it for others. Otherwise, why would I have maintained it during three months of isolation? No. There is something about my own hyphenated identity in the mixing of colours and choosing how I present myself to myself. A Professional Superviser once asked my how I could be so many different things - why wasn't I more clearly definable? I struggled to explain I was a child of pluralism, but it was too much for him, so I had to find another Superviser.

Thus began decades of wrestling with concepts of identity. I was greatly assisted by the work of Myong-Duk Yang and Clive Pearson in naming why I could not be an identity. I am, after all, not of a single cultural identity. I am 'mixed blood'. Once upon a time, I was labelled a 'mongrel'. They would more kindly have named me as 'hyphenated'. As you can see from the title of my blog, the attitude stuck!

Today I read a heartbreaking piece by Iyabo Onipede: For white people only. It was written in the context of [yet another] race-related death in the USA. In Australia, the timing is relevant - it is the end of our 'Reconciliation Week' - a time when we recommit ourselves to learning and speaking truth about genocidal history and actively seeking to redress wrongs perpetrated on First Peoples across this country.

In my setting - the Uniting Church in Australia - we have rewritten our denominational constitution document to include a Preamble, which reminds us all of the context of being a largely migrant-led church in an Ancient Land with Ancient Peoples. God was here before the arrival of Euro-versions of the Gospel. God was already in the business of creating and blessing. The Church does not get to define God. God gets to define the Church.

When we were working on the Preamble, some migrants asked: [paraphrasing...] Shouldn't we also have some statements there about migrants and multiculturalism and the diversity of colours. It is wrong to label the issues as simply black and white!

This was, of course true, but we also recognised how easy it would be to distract or dilute the importance of what needed to be said if we hijacked the agenda. The priority at that moment in time was to name the need for truth-telling and commit to reconciliation. We therefore made the commitment, not to accept a label of third peoples, but to be counted as Second Peoples, agitating to reimagine how colour-influenced behaviours might play out. We took upon ourselves the shame of white privilege and entered into a greyness of identity, sacrificing much of our celebratory vivid. People of colour cannot choose to be black or white, but we can fade.

In reading the Onipede piece, I was reminded:
I do not carry the pain-body of Aboriginal experience.
I do carry the pain-body experience of Mixed-ethnicity Migrant Mongrels.
The experiences are different.
And they are not simply binary - they are not just black and white.

So, I do not write about lived experiences of Australian Aboriginal black-deaths-in-custody or violent vilification of African-Americans. I hear the stories and join my hot tears with others. My tears carry a reminder that as someone who is neither black nor white, I have a calling to live another story.

Grief has made so much of my life grey. As much as I colour my hair, I cannot dismiss the absence of colour. So much colour departed last December that the sky and blossoms seem almost offensive in their vibrancy. The sepia of the bushfire skies and black-grey ash on every surface seemed appropriate for weeks on end. Then came the isolation: rare sightings of family, occasional online chats with friends, a full life of meetings with no social coffees to balance the business relationships.

I tell the proud story of mongrelism. We are adaptable. We are survivors. We move between worlds and eat whatever is set in front of us. We are used to being attacked, so we have default defensive settings that allow us to continue strong when others stumble. We redefine existence, rejecting the stories presented to us and the conformity of regulated injustices. We are dangerous.

Let me be clear. I do not want to hurt you. I do not want to dismiss you or your identity - whether you identify as white or black or cisgendered or transgendered or religious or atheist. I appreciate your difference and I do not want to be you. I just don't want you to try to abuse me by trying to control the definition of me.

You see, I have experienced racism, from black and white and Chinese.
Racism simply diminishes us all. Stop it. Get over it.
You can eat hummus and noodles in the same meal.
I have experienced misogyny, both from men and ingrained in the behaviours of women.
Misogyny simply diminishes us all. Stop it. Get over it.
Stop talking over the top of women or not hearing what they say or recognising their areas of expertise.

So, today I am making a plea...
In the binary-thinking of  blackness and whiteness, don't force the rest of us to be grey.
Those in the in-between may naturally be in the middle - able to adapt and negotiate between you. We may be able to empathise with you both. We are not necessarily 'other' (unless you make us so), but we are. Do not contribute to invisibility by dismissing us. Perhaps we bring what black and white might benefit from.

Grey skies may or may not permit rainbows. We look to the sky, seeking light. Fleetingly, I long for transfiguration and ascension stories to re-image themselves as I look to the Heavens... is this why those stories have a place?
Then we look to the depths. In the grey of oceans, we are astounded by the miracle of a coral reef, and horrified by the crime of decay and destruction perpetuated even on life in the deep.

What can I do to bring more colour into the world?
In seeking colour, I planted bulbs.
I am expecting colour to emerge from the depths.
I am waiting.

Countless

Five months since you died.
Four months since your Thanksgiving Service.
Three weeks since your birthday.
A month to our anniversary.
A few minutes since I last reached for you.
An eternity since I last held you
(Or anyone else for that matter).

Give me a number.
How many hours or days or years?
How long?
I close my eyes to try to squeeze back the tears, but they simply find new corners from which to escape.
Ev’ry time I hear the phrase
When we get back to normal
My breath catches and I try not to scream
I can’t go back
None of us get to go back
We can not undo death
By wishing it were not so

I try to focus on those things that promise hope and joy...
But they are bittersweet, for their joy was to be found in the sharing,

Perhaps I will set my sights on satisfactions and signs of blessing.
They are more achievable.

Keeping Vigil

My congregation keeps a prayer vigil each Saturday for the Covid19 situation around the world.
These prayers are inspired by their love, care and commitment.

Opening

Source of Life, how do you weep?

In lonely rooms,
in crowded camps,
in anxious waiting zones,
in offices and assessment areas,
we join with the voices of those who try to find words...
What shall we say?

I ask for mercy...
Mercy for those who fear to sleep, in case there is no waking,
Mercy for those who lose hope, while life and possibility is put on hold.
Mercy for those who are turned away or left behind,
Mercy for those who long for touch or contact.

I ask for peace...
Peace for those whose hearts are hardening, as they try to cope with daily stress,
Peace for those whose anxieties have turned to anger and ugliness,
Peace for those whose terrors and tensions creep into physical outpourings of grief and horror,
Peace for those whose current trauma feels as if it will never end.

I ask for Hope...
Hope for those who are wounded - for healing, of bodies and hearts,
Hope for those who despair - for signs of light in our experiences of darkness,
Hope for those who face the loss of potential, loss of work, loss of wonder and delight,
Hope for those who long for love and connection in their isolation.



Meditation    

On this ANZAC Day, we remember those whose spirit remains.
We remember
- stories of humour
- stories of perseverance
- stories of parents, grandparents, heroic and ordinary...
- stories of far-distant places and stories from the backyard...
- stories of call-ups and enlistments, of service, of shattered lives,
Of sacrifice...

I pick up my piece or rosemary...
And remember...
I bring to mind those who are gone from us.
What would they say to us in this time of global concern?

I try to listen for their voices, whispering encouragements,
then shouting and cheering us on.
I contemplate images - faces, hands, smiles, twinkling eyes, warm breath.

For some, it is memory that must carry us through:
Memory of you,
Memory of better times,
Memory of past and memory of promise.

I wait upon you, lighting a candle that speaks of mystery...


Intercession

Tonight I pray for nurses and carers.

I pray for one who offers care by phone and online.
I pray for her patience and wisdom, for creativity and imagination.
I ask you to keep her healthy and energized.
I ask your blessing on her work and her home.

I pray for one who manages others.
Give her discernment as she nurtures her team and brings out the best in them.
Give her skills to translate and interpret as she liaises and enables and supports.
Keep her motivated and fit. Keep her safe.

I pray for one who coordinates clinic and cases, who supports specialist practice.
As she deals with professionals and amateurs, as she faces down the terrors of those around her,
Fill her will calm, compassion and the joy of knowing she is making life so much better for so many.
Watch over her family and may her home be a haven of love.

I pray for those who are training and mentoring nurses and carers and paramedics transitioning into new ways of doing things.
I pray that learning and understanding come together, woven into the best care possible and the knowledge that this is indeed vocation.
May such calling come with a deep sense of life purpose - the realization that we are interdependent - and this is a good thing!

Tonight, I pray for Emergency Workers and those who did not expect to be Emergency Worlers:
- for GPs and their staff
- for Clinicians and Pathologists
- for Ambos and Paramedics,
- for Posties and Pharmacists,
- for Triage and Testing Centre staff,
- for Parking Attendants and Security Personnel,
- for Nurses, Nursing Aides, Porters, Transport staff,
- for Phebotomists (clinical vampires!) who take blood and those who collect swabs.

I pray for those who are afraid to come to work, but come anyway.
I pray for those who are tired and anxious.
I pray for those who suffer hesitation or self-doubt.
I pray for those who are daily learning new ways.

Tonight, I pray for those who fight the battle of despair and depression.
I pray for those who mourn.


Thanksgiving

I give thanks.
Thanks for those who have served.
Thanks for those who serve now.
Thanks for the possibilities that call us all forth.
Thanks for memories that sustain and offer comfort.
Thanks for sunrise and sunset, for music and art and good food.
Thanks for laughter and tears.
Thanks for understanding.


Blessing

God bless us in the night and in the morning.
Gift us with your creative energy, as we seek your story to be written into our souls.
Gift us with your strange way of Humanity and Divinity... may we learn to follow your Way.
Draw forth your Spirit in all we are and all we do.

And so we pray, in the name of Father, Son and Holy Spirit, One God.
Amen


More prayers for this season

Easter Saturday

I can’t breathe...
It’s not Covid-19.
It’s grief.

Every time I try to take a breath,
my body responds with the deep sob and groan that racks my soul.

Today the absence is in every step and every glance
Or lack thereof.
He filled my world, leaving me without reference points today.
I go through the motions of daily activity - wondering why bother?
What is so important anymore?

I cannot even lay his body to final rest.
Regulations and social distancing, the quarantine of Sabbath rest,
Prevents the intimate, even the private goodbye.

People are dying and being buried without ceremony, without rites,
as if humanity is taking a holiday in our quest for isolated living.
I am not complaining - the sacrifice is shared -
But it is not easy and I will not pretend it is so.

How dare the sun shine again after the darkness of the hour of death?
Does not eternity continue to despair?
Is not the very fabric of creation torn like a curtain?
What will tomorrow bring? Who cares?
For now, I cannot breathe.

Six Faces of Easter - Holy Week - adapted for our Circle in Parramatta

Maundy Thursday Story
https://youtu.be/28Vy4dLJaZQ

Good Friday story
https://youtu.be/u-kbFqaquUo

Easter Sunday story
https://youtu.be/4-33L1iylF8

Prayer for Quarantine

The practice of quarantine, as we know it, began during the 14th century in an effort to protect coastal cities from plague epidemics. Ships arriving in Venice from infected ports were required to sit at anchor for 40 days before landing. This practice, called quarantine, was derived from the Italian words quaranta giorni which mean 40 days.

These lines could be broken up over fourteen days of quarantining...
.....

1
Let me begin with you, O God,
For you are every beginning, the Author of all life.

2.
As I take a breath and plan the coming days,
Guide my thinking and my planning.

3. 
Remind me who you are 
and what you have done
And what you promise...
Mostly, let me remember your promise of eternal Life!

4. 
As I wonder what is still to come, I humbly ask:
Please don’t let me be sick. 
Built if I do, help me get through it 
without putting others at risk.

5. 
Give me grace when I get cross with others.
Give me patience when I get frustrated with myself.

6. 
Let me celebrate this day - it was given by you 
- and you have placed me in it.
May this day be a day of blessings.

7. 
May I rest in your arms, O God.

8. 
As I approach the phases of continuing this discipline 
I take the opportunity to spiritually stocktake my life.
Show me, Lord, your ways - teach me your paths.

9.
How can I reflect you today, Lord?
What if your creativity finds a place in my soul?

10.
Are you doing a new thing today, O God?
What has died in the life I once knew? 
What must I bury and leave behind?
What will emerge from these days (and weeks)?

11. 
So many questions, O God...
So few answers...
I struggle with the way forward.
I wonder. I wait.
I wait upon you.

12. 
Is this my time of rest and renewal.
It feels a little frustrating, but I have entered a new rhythm.
Is this a new form of monasticism.
Did you like that era, O God?
Are you inviting us into a deeper companionship?

13.
In this Baker’s dozen, I am trying something new today.
I pray - I wait - I listen for the sounds of holiness and sanctification.
Are you changing me? Is my body strengthening?
Do I feel cleansed? 

14. 
I have had a detox of sorts.
I have learnt to be with myself and you.
I did not know their intimacy and even now I am unsure what this holy friendship means.
I rely on you to take us forward - you and I.
Bring me into tomorrow.

Amen

Prayer for Isolation

On my own...
I stand by the window, my own community,
wondering what it means to be relational in isolation.
In this time and space, I see a faint reflection in the glass.
Eyes look back into mine, searching my soul, wondering what is there?
I consider my predicament, my identity, my desires.
I understand there must be more to life than this...

So, I pray:

What did it mean for you, Emmanuel,
to depart and break away from the community of holiness?
What did it mean for you to come here, leaving Heaven, to be Human?
What is it for me, one of your creatures,
to discover myself, apart from you, Yet, loved by you?
What is it for me to follow your footsteps
in discovering my life’s purposes,
not in self, but in being yours?

I cannot see others, yet they are on my heart.
I wonder if others remember me?
Lord - I feel alone.
Sometimes - I feel forgotten.
Is this a prison? Are my curtains the new version of prison bars?
O God - I feel grief and the panic rises inside me.
I place my faith in you.
Please calm my speedy heartbeat.

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy

In the confusion of my disturbed spirit,
I ask you, in your Holy Spirit,
To come and bless me.
Fill my spirit with your wisdom and strength.
Fill my mind with your thoughts.
Guide my praying and guide me to be still.

I breathe ....
And pray you give me air in my lungs,
even as I pray for those who struggle to breathe.
In their isolation, I pray your make yourself known to them.
Guide me also to find ways of making your presence known to others through me being me.

In this isolation,
help me to know you better,
help me to know myself better,
help me discover your place for me in this new strange world.

In this isolation,
Be my Holy Friend.
Don’t leave me alone.
Help me remember you are always there.
Amen

Prayer for Waiting for a Covid Test

Holy God,
Are you there?
Do you see me? Waiting?
Do you see anxiety and wondering?
Do you see into my cells?
Do you see what is happening in my body?
Are you issuing any directions on my behalf?

Spirit of God,
Surely you could be merciful to me.
Look upon me and have compassion,
For I am afraid and I do not want to show my fears to others.
I want to be strong. I want to be courageous.
I want to enable my body to be well and to fight off any illness.
Please let this just be a cold or a mild flu...

And yet, I know, Jesus came and understands my humanity.
Give me hope when things feel hopeless.
Give me light when things seem dark.
Give me an encouraging word and let me live my waiting well.
Comforter, draw near to me,
Hold me safe in your arms.
Amen

Recipes - Koh’s Kitchen

Welcome to our online Cooking with a Chaplain series.

What I am trying to do is teach students how to survive on basic staples made interesting and palatable with some tiny luxuries - and keeping the costs to a bare minimum. This is a passing on of knowledge from my two grandmothers who were children in the Depression - one in Australia and the other in Malaysia and China. They passed their knowledge on. BTW - Koh was my ‘maiden name’.

Once upon a time, I was a student supporting myself in a foreign country and struggling to survive. I was studying in France where food is important but also pretty expensive. I am trying to help people see they really can make nutritious meals for $2-$3 and enjoy them.

My best advice to you is to learn 5-6 basic recipes that can be modified according to what ingredients you can get hold of. A few spices can make things more enjoyable and make you feel as if you are still exploring adventures.

If you are struggling to find ingredients, I will make suggestions about what you can substitute. AND - I can send you some mini ziplock bags with samples of spices and herbs so you can try them out. Note: I pack these myself out of my own stock, so these will be in limited supply and depend on my capacity to do this myself.

Some weeks I am hoping to get guest cooks in... Cooks and Youth workers from all over the place.

Hoping you can join in!

_________________

Join Zoom Meeting https://zoom.us/j/472329307?pwd=RGpaeHlhQnBpN3VIdlQ4YkFJL0FKQT09 
Meeting ID: 472 329 307 Password: 055802 

_____________________________

Week 3 Thursday 16th April

Tuna Pasta - 2 variations

Version 1 (tuna, peas, lemon verbena and garlic)

Version 2 (tuna, tomato, Italian herb pack or fresh oregano and garlic)

Any kind of cheese can be grated on top.

• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1-2 large cloves garlic minced
• 1 (5 ounce) can tuna or sachet
• Version 1 - lemon verbena, a squeeze of lemon if available
• Version 2 - tomato pasta sauce, Italian Herbs, fresh oregano if available
• Salt & pepper to taste
• 4 ounces uncooked pasta (I used spaghetti)

Instructions

1. Boil a salted pot of water for your pasta and cook it al dente according to package directions. Prep your other ingredients while it cooks.
2. When the pasta is close to being ready, add the oil to a small pan over medium heat. Once the oil is hot, add the garlic and cook it for 30 seconds.
3. Version 1 - Stir in the tuna, lemon juice, and lemon verbena. Let it heat through. 

   Version 2 - Stir in the tuna, tomato, Italian herbs or oregano and garlic. Heat through.
   Note - Thanks to Craig Mitchell in Melbourne who heard about our project and sent us Fresh Herbs From his garden!!! What a legend!
4. Once the pasta is done, add some of the pasta water (a couple tablespoons) to the sauce and then drain the pasta and toss with the sauce. Season with salt & pepper as needed. Optional: serve pasta with freshly grated parmesan (or other) cheese and lemon zest.

Tuna pasta with peas and Lemon verbena 

Tuna pasta in tomato and oregano sauce

_____________________________

Week 2 Thursday 9th April with a TENEBRAE Service(Easter Week)

CHANGE OF RECIPE - because some students didn’t get soup mix!

DAAL (or Dahl) and Rice

Note: I use a commercially available Garam Masala mix in a box packet. The most common spices in the mix are:

• Cumin
• Coriander
• Cardamom
• Cinnamon
• Nutmeg
• Cloves
• Bay Leaf
• Peppercorn
• Fennel
• Mace
• Dried Chilli

(Some mixes have other things)

All this tends to be toasted and then ground up into a powder... it is time consuming to make, which is why I buy it in a pack pre-done.

• Red Lentils (or other lentils)
• Dried Fried Onions (or fry some up)
• Garlic (can also be fried up)

Variations

• A small spoon of yoghurt
• A dessert spoon of Tomato paste or a tomato
• potato or sweet potato or carrot
• Mushrooms or peas
• Whatever other veggies you can get
• Meat or Fish or Tofu or nuts can be added as you like

 

I will also teach you how to make an Easter egg with an egg, some string and some tea!

METHOD

Generally,  I rinse any lentils and rice before cooking...

Boil water (1 part lentils to 4 parts water) - add lentils and stock/coconut milk powder/spices packet
Simmer for 15-20 mins

Prep any other veggies to add

Put on rice (1 part rice to 4 parts water) to boil
Simmer for 10-12 mins - then drain

(If you are cooking any meat or fish or nuts, now is the time to do it, but these are not needed to make this dish nutritious and yummy.)

Cook Veggies - these can be added to the Lentils OR fried for more flavour.
I will show both methods

Add Onions and Garlic and Methi (Fenugreek leaves) And anything else you wanted to add and cook/heat through for the last couple of minutes...

Serve


Here is a good link for decorating Easter eggs with tea...
https://blog.numitea.com/tea-dyed-easter-eggs/

_________________________

Fone responsive prayers

For when the phone call is the pastoral visit...


The Party Line

Call:  God, as we pray...
Response:  hear us and be with us.

We pray for this time together and give thanks for technology and the ability to meet safely.
We ask you blessing on our devices and ask for clarity and wisdom.

Call:  God, as we pray...
Response:  hear us and be with us.

We pray for our neighbours and give thanks for smiles and waves and the possibility of jokes.
We ask for humour and signs of joy and hope to be the infection that passes around most quickly.

Call:  God, as we pray...
Response:  hear us and be with us.

We pray for anxious times and ask for the ability to listen and ease one another by our connection of spirits.
May your Holy Spirit guide our listening and our speaking.

Call:  God, as we pray...
Response:  hear us and be with us.

We pray for those around us and those absent, as we find new ways of being your people,
May our lives and prayers become entwined in new and precious ways.

Call:  God, as we pray...
Response:  hear us and be with us

Now and always.
Amen.

Prayer for a relative in Aged Care

Dear God

I pray for .......

May kindness be the daily fare,

For all our loved ones in aged care.

May laughs continue while we are apart.

May life be full of music and art.

May words of wisdom flow free

And plans about for when we see

One another...

Again...

For some tea and cake.

I smile at the thought of the réunion of love,

Whether here on earth or in heaven above,

Who knows what will happen? I’m sure I don’t!

But I trust in You, Lord,

So please watch over ........

And thankyou for ....... in my life.

Amen

Prayer for grandma

Did you have a grandma, Jesus?
Did she ring you when you wanted to be playing?
Did she make you strange things?
Did she constantly ask you questions?
I hope you had a grandma like mine.
I can’t see her at the moment,
so I ask you to take care of her.
Can you give her opportunities to play games? - she likes that.
I know because she likes to play with me.
Please let my grandma be healthy and strong.
Remind her that she always tells be to eat veggies to make me healthy and strong,
So please give her an endless supply of green things - she thinks they’re great.

Dear creative God, if my grandma has the time because she can’t go out,
please remind her my favorite colour is (yellow),
just in case she gets bored and wants to knit or crochet.
Keep her safe and happy.
Amen.

Health Workers

I anxiously watch them. 
My anxiety is not just for the one I love. 
I am deeply anxious for them.
They try to comfort me with their professionalism and smiles,
But I can see their own anxiety, so I pray...


Healing God,
You called these amazing people
to serve in your great work.
Thank you.
Bless them in their service.
Give them deep restorative sleep
when they get a break.
Help them to keep laughing when they can.
Give them wisdom
in the difficult decisions
and the complexity of treatment.
May I always see their humanity
 and show my love and respect
for their dedication.

In these anxious times,
I pray for their families,
even as I know
they pray in their hearts
for my loved one.

Healing God,
Bring us all healing.
Amen

Evocation #72 It’s not my problem

Disabled kids on mats in Zimbabwe
Frozen babies in Syria
Lonely and ostracized Chinese in the apartment next door
- it’s not my problem

Homeless graduate returned from Korea
German exchangers seeking life’s meaning
Buddhist monk confronting fragility
- it’s not my problem

What is my problem?
Absence? Desertion? Loneliness?
Gratitude for what has been?
Hope for what might yet be?
Despair, the faithful companion, for now?
The weaving of contrasting threads
wraps around my hurting heart.
This tapestry disguises potential lost
and possibilities unnamed.
So I ask,
What is my problem?

© A A Koh-Butler, 2020

Evocation #71 Forgive Me - a personal psalm

Help, O Lord!
I have anger and hatred.
I wish pain upon the one who is evil.
The perpetrator of abuse upon my beloved deserves death!

Even as I think the thoughts and write the words
I hear your prayer
echoing in my ears and clawing at my heart:
Forgive us as we forgive others...
My vehemence is real
and it allows evil to continue to work away in my soul.

Heal me, O Lord!
Bring back the love that encompasses pain.
Bring back the desire for goodness to overcome evil.
I long for the innocence of life in a garden of delight.
I miss the Eden you created and was stolen away.

I am heartbroken
for the one who allowed evil to destroy love and relationships.
I am heartbroken
for the lack of awareness and the absence of confession.
I am heartbroken
for the words and actions left unsaid and undone.
I see images
of the acceptance of the deceiver,
infiltrating the circles of the vulnerable
And I weep.

Where are our priorities?
That we spend too much time being the institution
rather than Your People?
There is so much blessing and so much to be grateful for...
Forgive me in my un forgiveness.

© A A Koh-Butler, 2020

Evocation #70 I’m ok

You kindly ask: R U O K?
I’m ok...

If I say it enough times,
either you or I might believe it.

What is OK?
Perhaps OK is not longing for the death
that would take me to where my heart resides?
Perhaps OK is simply showing up?
Perhaps OK is getting showered and dressed
when I simply want to hide under the sheets.

OK is like AMEN.
So be it - it is so...
I’m ok, not because I feel it, but because I am trying to behave it.
OK is an act of faith.
When despair and sorrow catch my heart and mind,
I will behave as if life is OK.... Amen.

So it is, this blue time of sadness.
It is a time when I am glad to observe the joys of others,
When I smile at the laughter of others,
When I remember breathing.

So it is, this blue sky day.
It is a time when the clouds hover over my own soul,
when the sun shining on my friends comforts me
and holds my head above the drowning waters.

So it is, this blue note day.
It is a rhythm of pauses and rests,
When the melody is interrupted
and the dissonance of contrasts does violence to my sleep.

I am asked. I respond.
I’m doing ok.

© A A Koh-Butler, 2020

Evocation #69 Present

Unwrapping package

Delight of thoughtfulness

Knowing this friend is a carer

Anticipation builds

Envelope torn

Emergence of notation

Like pass the parcel

Layers unfold

Hidden inside is love

Captured in images 

Collected in meaning

Tears stream, yet again,

And I give thanks

For moments and memories

For love lost and present.

© A A Koh-Butler, 2020

Lent 2020 - praying the psalms

ASH WEDNESDAY

READ 

Psalm 51:1-17

51:1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; 

according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.

51:2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

51:3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.

51:4 Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are justified in your sentence and blameless when you pass judgment.

51:5 Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me.

51:6 You desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.

51:7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

51:8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have crushed rejoice.

51:9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.

51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.

51:11 Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me.

51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit.

51:13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.

51:14 Deliver me from bloodshed, O God, O God of my salvation, 

and my tongue will sing aloud of your deliverance.

51:15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.

51:16 For you have no delight in sacrifice; 

if I were to give a burnt offering, you would not be pleased.

51:17 The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; 

a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

REFLECTION

As we reflect on our need for mercy,

We remember one of the names for God (in all the theistic religions) is Mercy or The Merciful One.

In what ways do we need mercy? In what ways are we called on the exercise mercy?

Mercy is associated with forgiveness and compassion. The Psalmist describes the longing for joy and restoration and the struggle to seek mercy and restoration through a broken spirit.

This period of Lent allows us to look into places of woundedness and healing, perhaps even examining our scars. We are able to consider what mercy continues to be needed.

We can also make personal commitments to become bearers of mercy for the sake of the world.

PRAYER

Merciful God, as you pour your compassion out on me, I ask that you remake my heart, mind and spirit in your reflection. May I become a creature of mercy. Amen 

WEEK 1

Psalm 32

32:1 Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.

32:2 Happy are those to whom the LORD imputes no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

32:3 While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long.

32:4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah

32:5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah

32:6 Therefore let all who are faithful offer prayer to you; at a time of distress, the rush of mighty waters shall not reach them.

32:7 You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with glad cries of deliverance. Selah

32:8 I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

32:9 Do not be like a horse or a mule, without understanding, whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle, else it will not stay near you.

32:10 Many are the torments of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds those who trust in the LORD.

32:11 Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart.

REFLECTION

As we pray the psalms, we realise they are very human prayers. The psalmist is conscious of sin and brokenness. The need for healing and the experience of suffering (groaning) is named. Where do you see suffering – in your own life or in the lives of those close to you? How do you ask for relief from suffering? Do you want to hide, like the psalmist? When you are distressed, what comforts you?

How can we seek comfort as we pray? Others pray with com-passion… people are prepared to pray with each other, if we only ask. Could this be the week where the suggestion comes at morning tea or in a conversation: let us pray together? The steadfast love of the Lord is best expressed in being steadfast with others. What opportunities may arise this week to pray with and for others AND how are you prepared to be prayed for by others?

PRAYER TO PRAY WITH SOMEONE

Together we pray.

We pray for one another...

We pray for the world…

We pray for comfort in distress.

We pray our thanksgivings for one another.

We pray for blessing. AMEN

WEEK 2

Psalm 121

121:1 I lift up my eyes to the hills-- from where will my help come?

121:2 My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

121:3 He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.

121:4 He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

121:5 The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade at your right hand.

121:6 The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

121:7 The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.

121:8 The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time on and forevermore.

REFLECTION

Help! In a moment of panic, we may ask, where will help come from? We notice threat, danger or distress and wonder – who can help me? Help comes from beyond us and the cry for help is a recognition we are not sufficient unto ourselves. As we look around and see others also in need, we remember – God…. Could you possibly help? 

The psalmist reminds us to turn to God, to present our requests to God, to have faith that God cares.

When we think of God as a ‘keeper’ we imagine God tending to needs we might not even be aware of. God knows what is good for us and what threatens our wellbeing. Sometimes, we are not even aware ourselves of what is healthy and what diminishes us. Turning to God involves measuring our sense of right and wrong against God’s guidance for our lives, rather than simply choosing our own paths. We make the choice to be helped by one who promises to keep us well and whole.

PRAYER

Keep me in Your ways, O help of the ages.

Make me into a helper and teach me to keep your commands.

May I learn what it is to abide in You.

Amen

WEEK 3

Psalm 95

95:1 O come, let us sing to the LORD; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!

95:2 Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!

95:3 For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods.

95:4 In his hand are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also.

95:5 The sea is his, for he made it, and the dry land, which his hands have formed.

95:6 O come, let us worship and bow down, let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker!

95:7 For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand. O that today you would listen to his voice!

95:8 Do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah, as on the day at Massah in the wilderness,

95:9 when your ancestors tested me, and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work.

95:10 For forty years I loathed that generation and said, "They are a people whose hearts go astray, and they do not regard my ways."

95:11 Therefore in my anger I swore, "They shall not enter my rest."

REFLECTION 

Do you get ear-worms – songs that stick in your heard and just go around and around?

Sometimes the song might be a song or praise, repeating the glories of God. What is the song your could carry with you today – a song of life and delight in the one whose hands reach deep and high?

Do you long to throw yourself down and hug the earth that offers us nourishment and the place of our existence? We have a choice to make – to worship or to harden our hearts, but hardness of heart does not bring comfort or rest.

PRAYER

May my soul sing to you forever, O God!

May every breath be music and every thought be lyric.

May my footsteps dance for you.

My my hands be lifted in acknowledgement of you.

May my life be an act of praise.

WEEK 4

Psalm 23

23:1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.

23:2 He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters;

23:3 he restores my soul. He leads me in right paths for his name's sake.

23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff-- they comfort me.

23:5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD my whole life long.

REFLECTION

Such a spiritually significant song for so many of us, 

but with so many practical hints for daily discipleship activity…

ACTS OF PRAYER

Lie down on the grass.

Walk by the water.

Take the paths on your wandering.

Come to God’s table.

Be anointed with oil. (Use olive oil if you don’t have anything else.)

Abide in God and let God abide in you.

WEEK 5

Psalm 130

130:1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD.

130:2 Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications!

130:3 If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand?

130:4 But there is forgiveness with you, so that you may be revered.

130:5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;

130:6 my soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning.

130:7 O Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is great power to redeem.

130:8 It is he who will redeem Israel from all its iniquities.

REFLECTION

When you are your lowest point, who is able to respond? While friends and relatives may want to help, perhaps it is the Spirit of God who is able to open us to comfort and hope. Sometimes we do not have anything – no energy nor imagination – to be able even contemplate seeking or receiving help. Sometimes help and cope break through the fog of despair to remind us that God is the source of goodness and healing.

PRAYER

In Silence, allow God to work inside you…

WEEK 6

Psalm 31:9-16

31:9 Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eye wastes away from grief, my soul and body also.

31:10 For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my misery, and my bones waste away.

31:11 I am the scorn of all my adversaries, a horror to my neighbours, an object of dread to my acquaintances; those who see me in the street flee from me.

31:12 I have passed out of mind like one who is dead; I have become like a broken vessel.

31:13 For I hear the whispering of many-- terror all around!-- as they scheme together against me, as they plot to take my life.

31:14 But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God.

31:15 My times are in your hand; deliver me from the hand of my enemies and persecutors.

31:16 Let your face shine upon your servant; save me in your steadfast love.

REFLECTION

Grief takes over the cells of your being.

When it takes hold, grief disturbs sleep and controls the gasping desperate sobs of breath.

Sorrow pulls at the sense of being and destroys in the face of destruction already being experienced.

What whispering do we hear? Do we hear the terrors or do we intentionally listen for the whispers of comfort and promise from God? God longs to comfort us, yet it can be so hard to receive God’s embrace.

PRAYER

V.16 Let your face shine upon your servant; save me in your steadfast love.